Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

My son, S, is starting college next week.  It’s hard to believe it is here already.  He is in denial about it.  He did not want to graduate.  He is not excited about starting college.  When asked why he is attending college if he isn’t excited about it, he responds, “I know I have to go to college for what I want to do.”  Okay.  College will be much better if you act like you are enjoying it.

Last week, college became very real for him.  He was having a lot of anxious moments about starting school.  This has been concerning for me and my husband.  Do we make him go if he is feeling this anxious about it?  Do we have him wait to start?  Would waiting help the anxiety go away?

We have had many talks with him about school and what it will entail for him.  Our son has multiple disabilities - Cerebral Palsy, Low Vision, and ADD.  He has more challenges than the average freshman.  He knows that all of his accommodations are in place.  He knows he has various support service personnel to help him at school and at two different state agencies.  He knows he has family and friends supporting him.  Still, there has been this anxiety about going to college.

My son was homeschooled for seven years.  We know he is prepared academically for college.  I have probably had some mommy anxious moments too, “Did I do a good enough job getting him ready?  Is he concerned about the work load?”.

Last week I was talking to a lady I have become friends with this past year.  I was telling her about S and his anxiety about college.  She said, “He is going to do just fine. He is ready for the classes”  

On our drive home after horseback riding, I shared this story with him.  I wanted him to know that he has a lot of people who believe in him and his ability to be successful.

The following conversation took place.

“I know I am going to do fine in my classes.”  

I stopped, looked at him, and clarified, “You aren’t worried about your classes?”

“Nope!”

“Then why do you have such anxiety about going to college if you know you are going to do fine in your classes?  What is there to cause you to not want to attend?”

“Life is much easier at home.  Homeschooling was very comfortable, and I just knew that everything was taken care of and set up for me.”

Wow!  Didn’t expect that response!  I enjoyed that nice warm feeling for a moment and realized….

It is time for this baby bird to be pushed out of the nest and fly!  

You will find me on the couch with chocolate appreciating the fact that our homeschool was successful and, apparently, really comfortable.

College just got real!

My son starts college in two weeks.  He’s still very apprehensive about it.  There is a lot of change taking place.  He is going to be far removed from his comfort zone.  We have everything in place for him.

*His support services are established.

*He has met with all of the people who are providing support services.

*He has Vocational Rehab plans in place through two different agencies.

*He has an Academic Plan in place with the college.

*He has his accommodations letters in hand.

*He is picking up his assistive technology next week.

*He has registered for classes.

*He has paid tuition.

*He has purchased his books.

The other day he checked his college email, and there it was - the syllabus for English Composition.  That freaked him out.    

There is nothing in that class that he can’t do.  There are things he will do differently (accommodations).  He emailed the professor with his accommodations letter attached and explained what he was going to need to do differently based upon her class requirements.  We told him he is being proactive which is a good thing.  

I had to explain to him that everyone in his class is going to be a little bit scared.  I told him to look around that first day and realize that every student in there will have some anxiety about being in a college course.  It’s not just him.  He’s not alone, and he will be okay.

I will be on the couch with chocolate which I may or may not share with my son.

A Week of College Stuff

This has been a busy week of doing college things, getting ready for college, and making observations about transitioning to college.  Here is a wrap up of the posts I have written about these things.  Enjoy!

A Day at the College

A heat index in the triple digits and we were on campus for 2 1/2 hours doing many things to get my son ready for college.  The pool would have been a better place to be, but we were successful in our campus tasks.

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

My son needs a bag for college.  Buying a bag is such an ordeal that it gets its own blog post.

Stop looking at me!

We are working hard on transitioning our son from being dependent upon us to answer questions for him or as he told me, "What was the point of getting the FERPA paper signed if I can't get you to handle the stuff I don't want to?"  Exactly!

I hope you have a good weekend!  I think we only have to go to campus one time next week! That calls for time on the couch with chocolate.

Stop looking at me!

During the past few weeks I have been busy running my son to the college and various other places for appointments and meetings regarding his college transition.  During these appointments, I often found myself wanting to say, “Stop looking at me!”  

This thought is not directed at the people S is meeting with.  This thought is meant for him.  I don’t mean this in a nasty way.  I mean this in a “You are 18 years old, and they really don’t want to talk to me or hear from me.  Stop looking at me when they ask you a question.  It is a question you can answer.”

Every time we leave a place I bring up this observation to him.  He doesn’t realize he’s doing it but he does it EVERY time.  I stress the fact that he is just weeks out from starting college; therefore, he is in a position to answer these questions for himself.  

This is part of his transition, and I get that.  For 14 years, he has looked to us to answer questions for him.  We have been working on this handoff for a few years. He needs to accept that he is now an adult.  We will always be there to support him; however, he has a voice, and it needs to be heard whether he is answering questions or advocating for himself.  

Throughout the years, we have had to redirect questions about S to him rather than to us. Questions like:  

“What is his name?”

“What is his address?”  

“How old is he?”

Now, we need to redirect him to answer the questions without looking at us.  He’s getting there. It will take a little more time. 

Heading off to college is a scary prospect for him. I get that. He told me, "I'm just looking for confirmation." I understand that if it's a question that he's unsure about the answer; however, he has been doing it for every question.

He just needs to stop looking at me especially if I’m on the couch with chocolate.

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

As we are preparing for our son to start college next month, one of the things S needed to buy was a bag to carry his books and laptop.  Most college students go to a store and buy a backpack, messenger bag, or sling bag, and they are set.  Of course, it can't be that simple. Since most things in S's life aren't easy, why would buying a bag be any different?

Backpacks

Because S will be using his wheelchair on campus, he needs a bag that he can easily get to while in his wheelchair.  Some people who use wheelchairs have no problems putting a backpack onto the handles of their chair and turning around to get things out of it.  S's CP and scoliosis prevent him from turning like that.  A backpack doesn't work.

Messenger Bag

He has a messenger bag that he uses on a daily basis; however, it is too small for what he will need at college.  It also doesn't lend itself to being used in his wheelchair.  Because of the way it hangs on him while he sits, it impedes him pushing himself in his wheelchair.  Sometimes he just throws it around his neck wearing it like a feed bag; however, put a laptop and a textbook or two in there and you are asking for a lot of neck problems.  He doesn't need anything else that needs to be dealt with.

Another issue he has with his messenger bag is that there are too many pockets that he can throw "stuff" into.  The problem with this is twofold:

1.  He has a hard time seeing into the deep, dark abyss that are the pockets of his bag to see what he is looking for.

2.  ADD:  He finds something else that he was looking for earlier and distracts himself from what he is supposed to be finding.

If you are ever doing a scavenger hunt, his bag would be the one you would want to dig through to find random things that most people would never carry around.  Guaranteed that you would probably find it in that bag!

Wheelchair Carry All

S has a Carry All that attaches under his wheelchair seat.  It is nice for carrying things, but it is very difficult for him to get things out of it himself.  It requires him to spread his legs and bend over at the same time.  His CP doesn't allow him to do that.  He can spread his legs OR he can bend over.  Take your pick.

Sling Bags

We think this is the best option.  He is going to have to wear it on his chest rather than his back because he won't be positioned in his wheelchair correctly.  The challenges we have found with a sling bag include:

1.  How is the zipper positioned on it? Is it angled or more a straight line at the top?

2.  What is the size of the bag?  S isn't very tall, so there isn't a lot of body space for the bag to sit on his chest/lap.

3.  Regarding the size of the bag, will a laptop fit in the bag that best fits his body?

We ordered two sling bags, one smaller and one larger.  The smaller one is a great fit for S’s body and doesn’t look like he could fit in it.  We were originally told that he was going to be getting a Surface tablet for school (one of his agencies is providing AT support for college).  The Amazon review for this bag said that a Surface tablet fits with a book.  Perfect!

Not quite so simple….S met with AT and was told he will be getting a laptop.  Guess what is just a little too big for the perfect bag?  The laptop.  We have to decide if he will use the bigger bag which is quite big but would fit his books and laptop or if we start a new search.

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult? Difficult enough that I wrote a whole blog post about it. Go figure!

I will be on the couch with chocolate and the ipad searching for the perfect bag.

A Day at the College

Once again, my son and I were at the college.  He had an 11:00 appointment with the TRIO office on Monday, but we went early since he had other things to do on campus.

To start with, S was exhausted.  We were at a pool party the night before, and he spent 3 hours in the water.  Wore him out!  We headed out in the morning, and it was a balmy 96 degrees with a heat index of 106/107 degrees.  There was a heat advisory.  This is a child who sweats clicking the mouse on the computer in an air conditioned house.

Every time we are on campus, we discuss where we are at and where he needs to go.  We talk about what buildings he needs to be in for his classes.  We look for the doors that have the handicap accessible buttons.  

Just what he wants to do on a day when it is hot. Since we were there, we were going to be productive.  

Stop #1  ID Card

We arrived at the ID card office and read the sign listing the required documents.  S had all of them, but he needed to write his name and student number on his schedule.  No pen.  We decided to use the pen in the office.  "What is your student number?"  He needed to look it up on his phone.  We have been telling him for the past 2 months that he MUST memorize this number. We went into the office, and I quickly wrote his name and number on his schedule.  

The woman inputting the information started asking me questions about S.  This is a problem.  If he is attending school, he surely should be able to answer basic questions about himself (his address).  Then, she told me that S's student number is wrong.  Tell him, not me!  He's missing a number.  Of course, he is!  I said we would go out and look it up.  Another worker in the office had someone else pull it up.  S is missing the middle number in his student number.  (I found out when we left the college 2 1/2 hours later that S knew this earlier.)

They moved a chair so S could back his wheelchair into place for his photo.  They took it numerous times because the lighting wasn't good, but they finally called it good.  He now has his student ID.

Stop #2  Parking Permit

S doesn't drive, but the fee for a parking permit is automatically included in his student fees.  He is going to get one.  We saw online that there is a link to fill out the paperwork ahead of time except for the fact that it doesn't get us to the right spot.  On the signs throughout the hallway, it states very clearly that the paperwork must be filled out online.  We found another link to try.  We were going to stop and ask about it, but there was a line.  No time for that.

Stop #3 Quick tour of the building

These offices are in the building that S will be in for Statistics.  We did a quick recon of the building identifying how to find his classroom and peeked in a room to see what kind of seating they had for students using wheelchairs.  In each room, there is a table in addition to the desks. S knows that he needs to be near the front of the room because of his Low Vision.  We talked strategy to make sure the table gets moved for him.

Stop #4 Disabled Student Services Office

S had to drop off his schedule to get his accommodation letters printed.  The secretary offered to print them while we waited.  We did.  She explained to S what he needed to do with them.  She said if he lost them to come back and she would reprint them.  I informed him if he had to go back in for a reprint he better bring her chocolate!  She did not disagree.

Stop #5 Quick tour of the building

S has 2 classes in this building.  One is on the second floor, so we found the location of the elevator and went upstairs to find the classroom.  We identified locations upstairs to help him find his classroom.  "If you pass this, you have gone too far."

Back downstairs to find the classroom downstairs.  It is well marked.  He shouldn't have any trouble finding that.  He was impressed with the bathrooms on the first floor since they have buttons to open the doors.

Stop #6  Library/Tutoring Center

On our way to his 11:00 appointment, we swung by the library to see where he will need to go for tutoring.  We told him the tutoring center needs to be well known by him.  Use the help they have there for you.

Stop #7 TRIO office

Finally, the reason we were there.  His appointment.  He was there to create his Academic Success Plan.  It was supposed to take 30-40 minutes.  It took 75 minutes, and I ended up in there for the last half.

S was a hot, sweaty mess when we were finished.  There was a trip to Starbucks on our way home.

He still isn't done.  We will be back.  I just hope it's cooler.  Until then, I will be in the air conditioned house on the couch with chocolate.

This school has closed.

The Final Wrap Up

My son graduated last month.  We took his party on the road and celebrated in Minnesota at the end of June.  While we were there, someone made a comment about our school.  My husband said, “That school is closed.”  He’s right.  The end of an era has come to our house.

We didn’t set out to be a homeschooling family.  In the end, we were a homeschool/public school family.  We had one son in each setting.  We were a “do what is best for each child” family.  

For S, we decided that homeschooling him was the best option after attending public elementary school.  He was homeschooled for half of third grade in California prior to moving to Virginia. Once we moved here, he attended public school for 2 ½ years.  We made the decision to start homeschooling him for sixth grade and continued on until the end.  It’s been quite a journey!

The past week has been spent cleaning out school “stuff” from our house.  It has been a process. I thought we had cleaned out quite a bit last summer.  There were still a lot of things shoved on the bookshelves, in binders, in closets, and in files.  We have three bins of stuff to give away to friends.  It is amazing how much stuff we had considering that my son did the majority of his work through computerized options.

We reorganized the office area that my son worked in and made it more of a college student type space.  It looks very different in there.  Times are changing here.

I’m not sure what this next year looks like for me.  It will be very different.  I will be busy as we support my son in his transition to college.

Now that my office is organized and my school is closed, there will be a lot of time for me to be on the couch with chocolate...

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