What my son has learned - the first year of college

S has officially made it through the first year of college!!!!!!  It has been quite the experience for him…..and us.  He has received an education and MANY learning opportunities.  There have been “growing pains”.

He has grown up this past year.  He has always been an advocate for himself, but he really stepped up to the plate at college.  He has addressed many issues on campus regarding accessibility, and he presented at a workshop regarding accessibility as a student (just realized I never wrote about that).  He has learned that college isn’t cheap and that textbooks are ridiculously priced!  

He has learned that his parents have been trying to prepare him for the reality of college throughout the years (schedules, due dates, task management).  He has also learned that he is weak in some most of these areas.

He has learned that he does well with an online format.  Despite the fact that he’s not a morning person, he learned that he prefers morning classes over afternoon classes.  He has learned that self-paced isn’t necessarily as great as it sounds.  He has learned that due dates are real.

I think my son’s biggest lesson learned this year is that he CAN do this.  He has done well.  We encouraged him to start with a lighter load this year to get used to everything. He will be taking two classes during summer school which is on an accelerated cycle. For fall semester, he has currently scheduled three classes for himself.  He can do it.  He just needs to remember that.

He has learned that he has a huge support system in place. He has learned that we all want him to be the best that he can be.

Here is a recap of posts I wrote during S’s first year of school:

Ummmm...You don't know what it's like.

College just got real!

Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

The first week of college

What are the other kids doing?

I thought you were exaggerating.

Did you ever think…?

Due dates are not optional!

First semester of college is finished!

“Winging it” is not a plan for success.

How is S with time management?

I will be on the couch with chocolate celebrating this successful first year and remembering all of the lessons learned.  

How is S with time management?

S:  I’m doing well with my schoolwork.

Me:  And you should be.  You only have one class.

This was the tail end of a conversation that my son and I were having the other day.  This conversation started when he came downstairs at approximately 1:00 pm to start his day.  The deal we have is that if you are living at home as a young adult you need to be a productive member of society.  Most productive members start their day prior to 1:00.  I know, I know. Some people work the night shift.  He does not!

[Disclaimer:  This post might seem like it is jumping all over the place.  It has felt that way at our house the past few months. Welcome to our world!]

How did we get here?

There are so many things leading up to this point.  S graduated from high school last year and is currently a student at our local community college.  He started last semester with 7 credits, and that was enough for him.  

Fall Semester

A few posts I wrote last semester include:

The day before college starts

I thought you were exaggerating.

Due dates are not optional!

First semester of college is finished!

There is a common theme in these posts and they have to do with time management and organization.  Our son who is attending college with CP and Low Vision is having a challenging time with his ADD at school.

Spring Semester

This challenge is evidenced by his idea of a plan for college which I had to write about early this semester:  “Winging it” is not a plan for college success.”

He started this semester with two classes.  He is now down to one.  He was missing deadlines in one class.  Not only was he turning in work late, it was incomplete and not his best work.  We had to sit down with him and inform him that it was time to drop the one class, so he could salvage his other class.  

Discussions with Vocational Rehab Counselor

A couple of weeks ago we were at the ophthalmologist’s office.  S’s Vocational Rehab Counselor from DBVI joined us for the appointment.  Since we were there for approximately 3 hours, we had plenty of time to visit with her.  She asked S how school was going.  

After he talked around the issue for 5 minutes, I asked, “Did you tell her you dropped a class?”  

“I kind of did.”  

“No, you didn’t.”

She asked S how he was with time management and organization; she proceeded to offer him many suggestions to help himself with both issues.  At one point, she asked him if he has heard all of this from his parents because “I see your parents sitting over there laughing.”  We told her he can continue to hear the same information over and over and over and over because maybe he will try implementing some of these strategies.

We met with his VR counselor again a couple of days later for a meeting.  She asked us in the meeting, “How is S with time management?”  It is nonexistent.  We explained to her EVERYTHING we have suggested to S to help with his time management.  My husband and I are great at reading and researching.  Everything we have read, we have tried with him.  The lists on websites, in books, recommendations from professionals are all things we have tried with him.

The challenge we have now is that S is a young adult.  We can’t make him “do”.  We can’t enable him.  We can suggest.  We can support.  He must be the “doer”.  He must implement strategies and ask for help when needed.

I will be on the couch with chocolate.....

"Winging it" is not a plan for college success.

My son started his Spring semester classes this week.  It was definitely a different feeling for him starting this semester than his first semester.  He was more relaxed than he was on his first day last semester.

Last semester presented some challenges for him, especially in time management and organization.  During his 4 week break, we spent time discussing with him what went really well last semester and what could be improved.  We spent a lot of time discussing strategies that could help him with his time management:  creating a daily schedule, creating study plans for himself, asking others to check in with him as accountability partners (not nags), etc.

He received his English syllabus a week ahead of time.  He looked that over and put some due dates on Google calendar.  He received his Geography syllabus at the end of last week.  Looked at it and panicked a little bit!  We talked him through it.  It’s all good. His geography class is an online class which means he needs to be diligent in creating time to study and work for it.

Which brings us to this week.  The other day he was hanging out, walking around downstairs in circles, not being very productive.  He had work that could have been done, but he was roaming like he didn’t have a care in the world.  

I asked him, “Are you going to create a study plan for yourself this week or are you just going to wing it?”

“Since it is the first week of the semester, I think I will just wing it.”

SERIOUSLY???

I very kindly told him that was the wrong answer.  Please try again.

I will be on the couch with chocolate…..

The first week of college

My son started college this week.  This is a BIG deal at our house.  S has worked very hard to get to this point in his life.  He hasn’t done this alone.  We haven’t done this alone.  It has taken a village to get our son here.  In the post, “I have been successful”, my son writes about the help he has received from others.  It has truly been a group effort.

Let me tell you about this week.

The day before college starts

This post talks about all we have done this past year to get to this point.  It has been a lot of work, but we made it to the day before.

The first day of classes

I dropped my son off before his morning class.  His last words to me were, “Pray for me.”  Oh, I have been...a lot.

The second day of classes

Today was just one class, English.  My son had already had contact with the professor.  He said this classroom is smaller than the other classrooms he is in, so there are challenges maneuvering himself to the front of the room.  Other students helped get the table where he needed it.  The helpfulness of others has been a true blessing!

This weekend

This weekend we will be helping S get himself organized.  This is a challenge for him, but he is motivated.  He already has his new digital recorder.  He has purchased new Dragon software for himself (appreciate the student discount).  He needed the Premium version which is supposed to transcribe his recorded lectures.  Can we get a Hallelujah for that?  Technology is a wonderful thing!!

In addition to starting classes, my son also had a dental appointment and a chiropractor appointment.  Fun, fun, fun!

Next week should be a routine week of classes for him.  My friend who has offered to help with transportation has already asked about next week.  I told her we need one full week to really work through the logistics of everything - timing for drop off/pick up, tutoring schedules, additional meetings, and which parking spaces are the best options for S to get himself to class.  We had some issues with Thursday’s parking spaces and the path that a wheelchair is expected to get through and around.  S decided he would rather wheel himself for a longer distance than have the closer route.

This weekend will be spent on the couch with chocolate enjoying my son's successful week!

The day before college starts

Here it is!  We made it.  It is the day before college starts.  It has been a process to get to this point. There have been many appointments scheduled, many trips to the college, many assistive technology decisions made, many logistical things that we have had to think through….but it has arrived.  The day before school….

How did we get here?

It has been a process.  We like to tell our son that these are all learning opportunities for him.  I think he’s tired of all of these opportunities.

The following list of blog posts is kind of a picture of what the process has been like the past year.  We started working toward this transition a long time ago, but some things just can’t be done until the end.

6 Steps for Transitioning a Child with Special Needs
When the insurance authorization letter arrives...

Low Vision Diagnosis
We visited the college.

Senior Stress and ADD

Visit with DBVI Vocational Rehab

Get through the wave

Getting ready for college

Ummmm...you don’t know what it’s like

A day at the college

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

Stop looking at me!

A Week of College Stuff

College just got real.

Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

What have we been doing this week?

This week has been a collaborative effort on our family’s part to make sure that S has everything he needs to be successful.

We have been to campus a number of times in the past week making sure S can get himself around campus.  The challenge he has with his Low Vision is that he can’t see the building names across campus.  He needs to know his exact path to follow to get from A to B.  We have visited campus frequently.  He has wheeled himself around.  We have talked out a path.  We have found landmarks for him to identify.  

Oh...another challenge is that it’s not just a matter of getting to the building and entering a door. He has to find the door that has the handicap accessible button or the door with the ramp.  

One more challenge S has is that he has a horrible sense of direction; however, he is very good with maps and creating a picture in his head.  He has studied the campus map.  We created a campus made of Legos, and he has moved the Lego man around campus and talked about the path.

He has his school supplies.  His supply list is somewhat different than other students.  He has Assistive Technology devices and software to help with his Low Vision and fine motor issues due to Cerebral Palsy.  He is using Zoom Text, Dragon Dictation, and the EmPower program through efofex software (free software for students with special needs to help with math and science equations and graphing) along with:

The Transformer which projects an enlarged image onto his laptop screen.  He has just received this, so he needs some practice with it to see how helpful it will really be.

He received a syllabus already from one teacher with her supplies on it.  We have had to try to figure out exactly what he will need from that list as we look at how he will adapt her requirements to fit his needs.  He has emailed her, and she seems quite receptive to what he has suggested.

S also has ADD which presents a challenge when we are talking about college.  Time management and planning are going to be key in his success.  He likes using Google Calendar and the task list.  He has already entered all of his assignments from the syllabus he has received.  (I won’t tell how long it actually took him to do that task.)

S likes looking at a calendar also.  We have a 4 week calendar on our fridge that he frequently stops by to look at and gets sucked into the “Calendar Zone”.  We purchased a 4 month calendar to hang on the wall near his desk.  J has filled it in for him for this semester and color coded everything for S.

At this point, we believe we have everything in place for S to be successful.  I'm sure we are missing something. I am anxious to talk to him tomorrow afternoon to see how his first day went. As he likes to tell us, “You are more excited about this than I am.”  Maybe...just maybe….

I will be on the couch with chocolate looking forward to seeing how this next chapter in my son’s life plays out!

A Week of College Stuff

This has been a busy week of doing college things, getting ready for college, and making observations about transitioning to college.  Here is a wrap up of the posts I have written about these things.  Enjoy!

A Day at the College

A heat index in the triple digits and we were on campus for 2 1/2 hours doing many things to get my son ready for college.  The pool would have been a better place to be, but we were successful in our campus tasks.

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

My son needs a bag for college.  Buying a bag is such an ordeal that it gets its own blog post.

Stop looking at me!

We are working hard on transitioning our son from being dependent upon us to answer questions for him or as he told me, "What was the point of getting the FERPA paper signed if I can't get you to handle the stuff I don't want to?"  Exactly!

I hope you have a good weekend!  I think we only have to go to campus one time next week! That calls for time on the couch with chocolate.

Stop looking at me!

During the past few weeks I have been busy running my son to the college and various other places for appointments and meetings regarding his college transition.  During these appointments, I often found myself wanting to say, “Stop looking at me!”  

This thought is not directed at the people S is meeting with.  This thought is meant for him.  I don’t mean this in a nasty way.  I mean this in a “You are 18 years old, and they really don’t want to talk to me or hear from me.  Stop looking at me when they ask you a question.  It is a question you can answer.”

Every time we leave a place I bring up this observation to him.  He doesn’t realize he’s doing it but he does it EVERY time.  I stress the fact that he is just weeks out from starting college; therefore, he is in a position to answer these questions for himself.  

This is part of his transition, and I get that.  For 14 years, he has looked to us to answer questions for him.  We have been working on this handoff for a few years. He needs to accept that he is now an adult.  We will always be there to support him; however, he has a voice, and it needs to be heard whether he is answering questions or advocating for himself.  

Throughout the years, we have had to redirect questions about S to him rather than to us. Questions like:  

“What is his name?”

“What is his address?”  

“How old is he?”

Now, we need to redirect him to answer the questions without looking at us.  He’s getting there. It will take a little more time. 

Heading off to college is a scary prospect for him. I get that. He told me, "I'm just looking for confirmation." I understand that if it's a question that he's unsure about the answer; however, he has been doing it for every question.

He just needs to stop looking at me especially if I’m on the couch with chocolate.

A Day at the College

Once again, my son and I were at the college.  He had an 11:00 appointment with the TRIO office on Monday, but we went early since he had other things to do on campus.

To start with, S was exhausted.  We were at a pool party the night before, and he spent 3 hours in the water.  Wore him out!  We headed out in the morning, and it was a balmy 96 degrees with a heat index of 106/107 degrees.  There was a heat advisory.  This is a child who sweats clicking the mouse on the computer in an air conditioned house.

Every time we are on campus, we discuss where we are at and where he needs to go.  We talk about what buildings he needs to be in for his classes.  We look for the doors that have the handicap accessible buttons.  

Just what he wants to do on a day when it is hot. Since we were there, we were going to be productive.  

Stop #1  ID Card

We arrived at the ID card office and read the sign listing the required documents.  S had all of them, but he needed to write his name and student number on his schedule.  No pen.  We decided to use the pen in the office.  "What is your student number?"  He needed to look it up on his phone.  We have been telling him for the past 2 months that he MUST memorize this number. We went into the office, and I quickly wrote his name and number on his schedule.  

The woman inputting the information started asking me questions about S.  This is a problem.  If he is attending school, he surely should be able to answer basic questions about himself (his address).  Then, she told me that S's student number is wrong.  Tell him, not me!  He's missing a number.  Of course, he is!  I said we would go out and look it up.  Another worker in the office had someone else pull it up.  S is missing the middle number in his student number.  (I found out when we left the college 2 1/2 hours later that S knew this earlier.)

They moved a chair so S could back his wheelchair into place for his photo.  They took it numerous times because the lighting wasn't good, but they finally called it good.  He now has his student ID.

Stop #2  Parking Permit

S doesn't drive, but the fee for a parking permit is automatically included in his student fees.  He is going to get one.  We saw online that there is a link to fill out the paperwork ahead of time except for the fact that it doesn't get us to the right spot.  On the signs throughout the hallway, it states very clearly that the paperwork must be filled out online.  We found another link to try.  We were going to stop and ask about it, but there was a line.  No time for that.

Stop #3 Quick tour of the building

These offices are in the building that S will be in for Statistics.  We did a quick recon of the building identifying how to find his classroom and peeked in a room to see what kind of seating they had for students using wheelchairs.  In each room, there is a table in addition to the desks. S knows that he needs to be near the front of the room because of his Low Vision.  We talked strategy to make sure the table gets moved for him.

Stop #4 Disabled Student Services Office

S had to drop off his schedule to get his accommodation letters printed.  The secretary offered to print them while we waited.  We did.  She explained to S what he needed to do with them.  She said if he lost them to come back and she would reprint them.  I informed him if he had to go back in for a reprint he better bring her chocolate!  She did not disagree.

Stop #5 Quick tour of the building

S has 2 classes in this building.  One is on the second floor, so we found the location of the elevator and went upstairs to find the classroom.  We identified locations upstairs to help him find his classroom.  "If you pass this, you have gone too far."

Back downstairs to find the classroom downstairs.  It is well marked.  He shouldn't have any trouble finding that.  He was impressed with the bathrooms on the first floor since they have buttons to open the doors.

Stop #6  Library/Tutoring Center

On our way to his 11:00 appointment, we swung by the library to see where he will need to go for tutoring.  We told him the tutoring center needs to be well known by him.  Use the help they have there for you.

Stop #7 TRIO office

Finally, the reason we were there.  His appointment.  He was there to create his Academic Success Plan.  It was supposed to take 30-40 minutes.  It took 75 minutes, and I ended up in there for the last half.

S was a hot, sweaty mess when we were finished.  There was a trip to Starbucks on our way home.

He still isn't done.  We will be back.  I just hope it's cooler.  Until then, I will be in the air conditioned house on the couch with chocolate.

Get Through the Wave

My son, S, is rapidly approaching graduation.  He’s not excited about graduating because real life is on the other side of that milestone.  For a young adult who has multiple disabilities, he has a few more things on his to-do list than other young adults.  He has been a little stressed about “life”.  We spend a lot of time talking to him about this.

The past few months have been busy for S.  He has been arranging transportation for himself through Paratransit.  He is applying for SSI.  He has had to establish himself as a client with the Department of Blind/Visually Impaired Vocational Rehab.  He needs to coordinate with DARS since he is now a client of DBVI also.  These are just the service related pieces he is working to put in place.

He has college things he needs to do also.  He has applied to college.  He has completed the FAFSA.  He needs to finish his College Algebra course and apply for ACE credit for that.  He needs to take his placement tests at the college, so he can register for classes.

These are all things we have been working on all year.  We didn’t just start doing them.  We have known they needed to be done.  To my 18 year old son, it is all just a little overwhelming.

Yesterday, he was talking to me about how much there is to do yet.  I explained to him that the hard stuff is over.  He didn’t believe me.  We talked about how much he has already done.

*Transportation has been applied for and approved. We just need to figure out how it is going to work.

*He has filled out the application for SSI and gathered supporting documentation.  He needs to make an appointment and go to the Social Security office.  I told him once he gets the final word from them then he can plan accordingly.

*He has already established himself as a client with DBVI.  Now, it’s just a matter of doing an employment plan and staying in touch with them.

*He just needs to stay in touch with DARS according to the plan he has established with them.

I told him it is like trying to get through a wave.  It is hard work, but it is nice on the other side. You can enjoy the water for a little bit.  We are beach people; he understands that.    

I may not be on the couch with chocolate if I can find a way to get everything done at the beach.

A thank you to my son, J, for his awesome beach photos.

(Get it?  It’s a huge thank you.)

8 Weeks Left - Graduation Prep

The Senior

It has been a busy, productive week for S.  I feel like I write the same thing every week for what he has worked on.  I guess when you are a senior with only 8 weeks of class left and you are trying to wrap things up, there won’t be a lot of change.

What did he work on?

College Algebra

Daily journal writing and editing

German IV

History-He’s trying to prolong this course.

Reading Without You, There is No Us

S has started writing his research paper.  This one seems to be going better than his last one.  

1. He did a better job with his notes (Taking notes from a printed source were better than notes from the computer - forced to paraphrase).
2. He has a good outline.  
3. He color coded his notes to correlate with his outline.  It is easy to find the notes that correspond to various topics in his outline.

S Plans to Move

S had a chiropractor appointment on Monday.  He hadn’t been to the chiropractor in 4 weeks because of weather.  He was looking forward to his appointment.  He has now started making plans to just move into the clinic.  He feels if he has access to the vibracussor, massage beds, and the massage chair that he just found there then life would be good.  

Of course, the staff there doesn’t help the situation.  They were telling him what they have for breakfast every day.  One worker said he would install a toothbrush holder in one of the bathrooms for him.  The chiropractor said they would put a sign on one of the bathrooms, “The King’s Throne.”  It’s good to be loved.  

Enjoying the massage chair.

S had Youth Group Wednesday evening and then he and my husband attended the Lenten service at church (see below why I didn’t go).  Today he is volunteering for 3 hours since he doesn’t have horseback riding.  He will volunteer for 4 hours tomorrow.

S finished his SSI application this past weekend.  This weekend he will be creating his own binder with all of his documents related to SSI, paperwork from DBVI and DARS, and other papers.  I have maintained the Great Big Book of S for 14 years.  It is time to pass the torch.

The Sophomore

J had a full week of school - no early release, no delays, and no snow days!  He had an oral Spanish presentation on Monday.  He and his partner volunteered to go first, and they received 5 bonus points.  It is finished and bonus points - a good day in Spanish!  He had a number of tests this week.  He has an English project due next week along with AP History questions and writings.  

He also filled out his wish list for courses next year.  We had talked about that during one of his snow days, so he was prepared.  It’s hard to believe he is planning courses for his Junior year!

J was supposed to go on an Art field trip to Washington DC this week; however, it was pushed to next week.  Since he would miss practice that day, he had to make the decision if he was going to still go on it since the state gymnastics meet is next Saturday.  He opted to pass on the field trip and go to practice.  

J had a full week of practice - 17.5 hours.  They have been working basics and new skills.  We attended the college meet last Sunday, and there is another one tomorrow night.  His coach likes J to attend and see the skills the college gymnasts are doing.  It is good motivation.

On the Homefront

“If you are trying to get from (name of city I was in) to (name of city I live in), good luck!”

This is what I heard on the radio after dropping J off at practice Wednesday evening.  Are you kidding me?  I have 3 options for my drive home:  the Interstate and 2 different highways. Every one of the routes was scarlet colored on Google Maps.  I called my husband and told him I was staying.

“Do you have anything to do?”

“I have my phone with my Kindle app, so I will go hang out at Starbucks.”

I was thankful I was dressed decently since I have been known to do the practice drop off in my yoga pants, old t-shirt, Crocs with socks, no jacket.  I was presentable.  Must maintain the standard at Starbucks.

Here is a picture of what I had to entertain myself with for 3.5 hours.  I was glad I was able to scrounge up a charger and cord in my van.  I guess it pays not to get everything put away immediately.  The umbrella was for the rainy weather.

On Thursday, I received the following text from J.  

Not a problem except the library doesn’t have any available copies.  Off to Barnes and Noble I ran.

Last weekend J helped create three different announcements for S’s graduation (commencement is on June 13).  We need one for the party in Minnesota on June 28, one with a special thank you note for providers/educators who have helped S get to this point throughout the years (we didn’t get this far without help), and one to send to friends who aren’t in/near Minnesota.  They are ordered!  One more thing to check off the list.  Now, I need to get everyone’s addresses.  I have time, so it will get done.

Tonight my husband and I were going to have date night; however, he had to go to Washington DC for work.  He may or may not be back in time.  If not, I will have drop off and pick up.  We will be at the college gymnastics meet tomorrow night.  

If you need some entertaining reading, stop by my husband’s blog for this week’s post, The Lexicon Kerfuffle.

What did I write this week?

Cerebral Palsy Awareness:  Mom’s Perspective

The “Great Big Book of S”

Therapy in the Kitchen

If I can get from here to there, you will find me on the couch with chocolate!

Linking up with:

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