How is S with time management?

S:  I’m doing well with my schoolwork.

Me:  And you should be.  You only have one class.

This was the tail end of a conversation that my son and I were having the other day.  This conversation started when he came downstairs at approximately 1:00 pm to start his day.  The deal we have is that if you are living at home as a young adult you need to be a productive member of society.  Most productive members start their day prior to 1:00.  I know, I know. Some people work the night shift.  He does not!

[Disclaimer:  This post might seem like it is jumping all over the place.  It has felt that way at our house the past few months. Welcome to our world!]

How did we get here?

There are so many things leading up to this point.  S graduated from high school last year and is currently a student at our local community college.  He started last semester with 7 credits, and that was enough for him.  

Fall Semester

A few posts I wrote last semester include:

The day before college starts

I thought you were exaggerating.

Due dates are not optional!

First semester of college is finished!

There is a common theme in these posts and they have to do with time management and organization.  Our son who is attending college with CP and Low Vision is having a challenging time with his ADD at school.

Spring Semester

This challenge is evidenced by his idea of a plan for college which I had to write about early this semester:  “Winging it” is not a plan for college success.”

He started this semester with two classes.  He is now down to one.  He was missing deadlines in one class.  Not only was he turning in work late, it was incomplete and not his best work.  We had to sit down with him and inform him that it was time to drop the one class, so he could salvage his other class.  

Discussions with Vocational Rehab Counselor

A couple of weeks ago we were at the ophthalmologist’s office.  S’s Vocational Rehab Counselor from DBVI joined us for the appointment.  Since we were there for approximately 3 hours, we had plenty of time to visit with her.  She asked S how school was going.  

After he talked around the issue for 5 minutes, I asked, “Did you tell her you dropped a class?”  

“I kind of did.”  

“No, you didn’t.”

She asked S how he was with time management and organization; she proceeded to offer him many suggestions to help himself with both issues.  At one point, she asked him if he has heard all of this from his parents because “I see your parents sitting over there laughing.”  We told her he can continue to hear the same information over and over and over and over because maybe he will try implementing some of these strategies.

We met with his VR counselor again a couple of days later for a meeting.  She asked us in the meeting, “How is S with time management?”  It is nonexistent.  We explained to her EVERYTHING we have suggested to S to help with his time management.  My husband and I are great at reading and researching.  Everything we have read, we have tried with him.  The lists on websites, in books, recommendations from professionals are all things we have tried with him.

The challenge we have now is that S is a young adult.  We can’t make him “do”.  We can’t enable him.  We can suggest.  We can support.  He must be the “doer”.  He must implement strategies and ask for help when needed.

I will be on the couch with chocolate.....

I thought you were exaggerating.

My son who started college 3 weeks ago is feeling overwhelmed as he creates his “to-do” lists for his classes.  This is what we hear during and after the list making process:

“How am I supposed to get all of this done?”

“I have a project and my homework to complete for Statistics!”

“I need to read, take notes, and write an essay.”

“When am I supposed to _____?”

Background

My son was homeschooled for 7 years throughout middle and high school.  We knew he planned on going to college.  We prepped him for it.  We made sure he had the classes he would need. We worked REALLY hard to get him to practice and utilize good study habits. 

The challenge my son has in implementing good study habits (setting a schedule, organizing himself, time management, etc) is that he has ADD so these are not traits that come easily to him.  

Every year, every day, we have talked through strategies that might be helpful to him.  We have read information.  We have shared information.  We have asked for input from him to try to figure out how to best help him help himself.  

We have used wall calendars.  We have used Google Calendar and the task list.  We have listed work on a white board in order of priority after talking through the process of prioritizing.  We have talked about reasonable time limits for work.

High School

As S made his way through high school, we continued to stress the importance of having a list, a plan, a schedule, etc. to get his work done in a timely fashion.  This would allow him to have free time which we all need.

As college became a reality, my husband and I told him that the work was going to be more difficult.  It was going to be faster. It was going to be a balance between the classes.  College professors aren’t overly concerned with the fact that you have a project, test, and paper due all the same week or day.

College

Now that my son is in college and can see all of his work up on his 4 month calendar, the reality of the pace and workload is upon him.  See the above quotes.

Yesterday, as we drove to campus, he was telling me AGAIN that the pace is just crazy.  

How are we supposed to learn that quickly?

You are in college.  This is how it is.  We have been telling you that for years.

I know, but I didn’t think you were telling me the truth.  I thought you were exaggerating to get my attention.

Nope.  Nothing but the facts.

I will be on the couch with chocolate, and I’m not exaggerating about that!

The first week of college

My son started college this week.  This is a BIG deal at our house.  S has worked very hard to get to this point in his life.  He hasn’t done this alone.  We haven’t done this alone.  It has taken a village to get our son here.  In the post, “I have been successful”, my son writes about the help he has received from others.  It has truly been a group effort.

Let me tell you about this week.

The day before college starts

This post talks about all we have done this past year to get to this point.  It has been a lot of work, but we made it to the day before.

The first day of classes

I dropped my son off before his morning class.  His last words to me were, “Pray for me.”  Oh, I have been...a lot.

The second day of classes

Today was just one class, English.  My son had already had contact with the professor.  He said this classroom is smaller than the other classrooms he is in, so there are challenges maneuvering himself to the front of the room.  Other students helped get the table where he needed it.  The helpfulness of others has been a true blessing!

This weekend

This weekend we will be helping S get himself organized.  This is a challenge for him, but he is motivated.  He already has his new digital recorder.  He has purchased new Dragon software for himself (appreciate the student discount).  He needed the Premium version which is supposed to transcribe his recorded lectures.  Can we get a Hallelujah for that?  Technology is a wonderful thing!!

In addition to starting classes, my son also had a dental appointment and a chiropractor appointment.  Fun, fun, fun!

Next week should be a routine week of classes for him.  My friend who has offered to help with transportation has already asked about next week.  I told her we need one full week to really work through the logistics of everything - timing for drop off/pick up, tutoring schedules, additional meetings, and which parking spaces are the best options for S to get himself to class.  We had some issues with Thursday’s parking spaces and the path that a wheelchair is expected to get through and around.  S decided he would rather wheel himself for a longer distance than have the closer route.

This weekend will be spent on the couch with chocolate enjoying my son's successful week!

The first day of classes

I dropped my son off before his morning class.  His last words to me were, “Pray for me.”  Oh, I have been...a lot.  I put that on Facebook, so S had many prayer warriors praying for him.

It was a pretty awesome moment to see him take his first “step” (I should say roll) into this new chapter of his life.

I was allowed to take a picture at home but not at school.  

His first day went well.  He didn't get lost. He ran into a student he attended co-op with a couple of years ago, and this kind young man made sure S got to the right classroom for Statistics.

He said the worst part of the day was just trying to get everything back into his bag.  His pencil fell on the floor.  His audio recorder fell on the floor and the batteries fell out.  When his dad went to show him that the file was still on the recorder, dad deleted the file.  Oops!  (Dad is buying him a new recorder tonight.) Packing his bag up has always been a challenge for him. It will get faster and easier with practice.

He talked to his teachers about his accommodations. He went to the Tutoring Center and is set up to start Statistics tutoring next week. He met up with the Assistive Technology Coordinator in one of the buildings, and this very helpful man made sure everything was set up in the classroom for S.  

He is working on his homework as I am typing this. We are thankful Day 1 was successful. Tomorrow is just English class. Hoping for another successful day!

You will find me on the couch with chocolate celebrating the successes in life!

The day before college starts

Here it is!  We made it.  It is the day before college starts.  It has been a process to get to this point. There have been many appointments scheduled, many trips to the college, many assistive technology decisions made, many logistical things that we have had to think through….but it has arrived.  The day before school….

How did we get here?

It has been a process.  We like to tell our son that these are all learning opportunities for him.  I think he’s tired of all of these opportunities.

The following list of blog posts is kind of a picture of what the process has been like the past year.  We started working toward this transition a long time ago, but some things just can’t be done until the end.

6 Steps for Transitioning a Child with Special Needs
When the insurance authorization letter arrives...

Low Vision Diagnosis
We visited the college.

Senior Stress and ADD

Visit with DBVI Vocational Rehab

Get through the wave

Getting ready for college

Ummmm...you don’t know what it’s like

A day at the college

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

Stop looking at me!

A Week of College Stuff

College just got real.

Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

What have we been doing this week?

This week has been a collaborative effort on our family’s part to make sure that S has everything he needs to be successful.

We have been to campus a number of times in the past week making sure S can get himself around campus.  The challenge he has with his Low Vision is that he can’t see the building names across campus.  He needs to know his exact path to follow to get from A to B.  We have visited campus frequently.  He has wheeled himself around.  We have talked out a path.  We have found landmarks for him to identify.  

Oh...another challenge is that it’s not just a matter of getting to the building and entering a door. He has to find the door that has the handicap accessible button or the door with the ramp.  

One more challenge S has is that he has a horrible sense of direction; however, he is very good with maps and creating a picture in his head.  He has studied the campus map.  We created a campus made of Legos, and he has moved the Lego man around campus and talked about the path.

He has his school supplies.  His supply list is somewhat different than other students.  He has Assistive Technology devices and software to help with his Low Vision and fine motor issues due to Cerebral Palsy.  He is using Zoom Text, Dragon Dictation, and the EmPower program through efofex software (free software for students with special needs to help with math and science equations and graphing) along with:

The Transformer which projects an enlarged image onto his laptop screen.  He has just received this, so he needs some practice with it to see how helpful it will really be.

He received a syllabus already from one teacher with her supplies on it.  We have had to try to figure out exactly what he will need from that list as we look at how he will adapt her requirements to fit his needs.  He has emailed her, and she seems quite receptive to what he has suggested.

S also has ADD which presents a challenge when we are talking about college.  Time management and planning are going to be key in his success.  He likes using Google Calendar and the task list.  He has already entered all of his assignments from the syllabus he has received.  (I won’t tell how long it actually took him to do that task.)

S likes looking at a calendar also.  We have a 4 week calendar on our fridge that he frequently stops by to look at and gets sucked into the “Calendar Zone”.  We purchased a 4 month calendar to hang on the wall near his desk.  J has filled it in for him for this semester and color coded everything for S.

At this point, we believe we have everything in place for S to be successful.  I'm sure we are missing something. I am anxious to talk to him tomorrow afternoon to see how his first day went. As he likes to tell us, “You are more excited about this than I am.”  Maybe...just maybe….

I will be on the couch with chocolate looking forward to seeing how this next chapter in my son’s life plays out!

College just got real!

My son starts college in two weeks.  He’s still very apprehensive about it.  There is a lot of change taking place.  He is going to be far removed from his comfort zone.  We have everything in place for him.

*His support services are established.

*He has met with all of the people who are providing support services.

*He has Vocational Rehab plans in place through two different agencies.

*He has an Academic Plan in place with the college.

*He has his accommodations letters in hand.

*He is picking up his assistive technology next week.

*He has registered for classes.

*He has paid tuition.

*He has purchased his books.

The other day he checked his college email, and there it was - the syllabus for English Composition.  That freaked him out.    

There is nothing in that class that he can’t do.  There are things he will do differently (accommodations).  He emailed the professor with his accommodations letter attached and explained what he was going to need to do differently based upon her class requirements.  We told him he is being proactive which is a good thing.  

I had to explain to him that everyone in his class is going to be a little bit scared.  I told him to look around that first day and realize that every student in there will have some anxiety about being in a college course.  It’s not just him.  He’s not alone, and he will be okay.

I will be on the couch with chocolate which I may or may not share with my son.

A Day at the College

Once again, my son and I were at the college.  He had an 11:00 appointment with the TRIO office on Monday, but we went early since he had other things to do on campus.

To start with, S was exhausted.  We were at a pool party the night before, and he spent 3 hours in the water.  Wore him out!  We headed out in the morning, and it was a balmy 96 degrees with a heat index of 106/107 degrees.  There was a heat advisory.  This is a child who sweats clicking the mouse on the computer in an air conditioned house.

Every time we are on campus, we discuss where we are at and where he needs to go.  We talk about what buildings he needs to be in for his classes.  We look for the doors that have the handicap accessible buttons.  

Just what he wants to do on a day when it is hot. Since we were there, we were going to be productive.  

Stop #1  ID Card

We arrived at the ID card office and read the sign listing the required documents.  S had all of them, but he needed to write his name and student number on his schedule.  No pen.  We decided to use the pen in the office.  "What is your student number?"  He needed to look it up on his phone.  We have been telling him for the past 2 months that he MUST memorize this number. We went into the office, and I quickly wrote his name and number on his schedule.  

The woman inputting the information started asking me questions about S.  This is a problem.  If he is attending school, he surely should be able to answer basic questions about himself (his address).  Then, she told me that S's student number is wrong.  Tell him, not me!  He's missing a number.  Of course, he is!  I said we would go out and look it up.  Another worker in the office had someone else pull it up.  S is missing the middle number in his student number.  (I found out when we left the college 2 1/2 hours later that S knew this earlier.)

They moved a chair so S could back his wheelchair into place for his photo.  They took it numerous times because the lighting wasn't good, but they finally called it good.  He now has his student ID.

Stop #2  Parking Permit

S doesn't drive, but the fee for a parking permit is automatically included in his student fees.  He is going to get one.  We saw online that there is a link to fill out the paperwork ahead of time except for the fact that it doesn't get us to the right spot.  On the signs throughout the hallway, it states very clearly that the paperwork must be filled out online.  We found another link to try.  We were going to stop and ask about it, but there was a line.  No time for that.

Stop #3 Quick tour of the building

These offices are in the building that S will be in for Statistics.  We did a quick recon of the building identifying how to find his classroom and peeked in a room to see what kind of seating they had for students using wheelchairs.  In each room, there is a table in addition to the desks. S knows that he needs to be near the front of the room because of his Low Vision.  We talked strategy to make sure the table gets moved for him.

Stop #4 Disabled Student Services Office

S had to drop off his schedule to get his accommodation letters printed.  The secretary offered to print them while we waited.  We did.  She explained to S what he needed to do with them.  She said if he lost them to come back and she would reprint them.  I informed him if he had to go back in for a reprint he better bring her chocolate!  She did not disagree.

Stop #5 Quick tour of the building

S has 2 classes in this building.  One is on the second floor, so we found the location of the elevator and went upstairs to find the classroom.  We identified locations upstairs to help him find his classroom.  "If you pass this, you have gone too far."

Back downstairs to find the classroom downstairs.  It is well marked.  He shouldn't have any trouble finding that.  He was impressed with the bathrooms on the first floor since they have buttons to open the doors.

Stop #6  Library/Tutoring Center

On our way to his 11:00 appointment, we swung by the library to see where he will need to go for tutoring.  We told him the tutoring center needs to be well known by him.  Use the help they have there for you.

Stop #7 TRIO office

Finally, the reason we were there.  His appointment.  He was there to create his Academic Success Plan.  It was supposed to take 30-40 minutes.  It took 75 minutes, and I ended up in there for the last half.

S was a hot, sweaty mess when we were finished.  There was a trip to Starbucks on our way home.

He still isn't done.  We will be back.  I just hope it's cooler.  Until then, I will be in the air conditioned house on the couch with chocolate.

Ummmm...You don't know what it's like.

My husband and I have two sons, J and S.  J will be a junior in high school and is starting to look at colleges.  S graduated last month.  He starts classes at the local community college next month.   He has paid his tuition.  He has purchased his books.  He has his bag for school.  He has attended the New Student Experience.  We have transportation figured out (kind of).

Our son has multiple disabilities.  He has Cerebral Palsy which impacts gross and fine motor skills and his speech.  He has ADD.  Last year he was labeled with Low Vision.  He doesn't drive.

We have been working with our son for years to get him to achieve his goal of attending college. A few years ago we created the "Four Pillars of Life", listing skills he would need to be independent and successful.  We made sure he had the proper courses in high school to prepare him for college.  We have called various agencies and talked to numerous professionals to make sure we were on the right path of finding appropriate services and getting them in place prior to this point.   Our son works with two Vocational Rehab counselors from two different agencies. He has Assistive Technology people helping him through three different organizations.

Even though we have been very proactive in this whole process, we are still sprinting through this summer trying to finalize everything.  We are taking S to meet with someone in an office somewhere at least once a week.  I think he has been at the community college every week this summer.  He is headed over there again tomorrow.  

A recent conversation

The other day someone we know was asking S about his plans.  He told her that he was attending community college this fall working toward an Associate of Arts degree with a History focus. He intends to transfer to a 4 year school when he is finished at the community college.

This woman came up to me afterwards and said that S had been telling her his plans. I said we had been crazy busy this summer trying to get everything into place for him.

Her:  "Oh, I know what it's like."

Me:  Ummmm........(killing time....dramatic effect....trying to figure out how to respond)....

[What I wanted to say:  You do know what it's like to send your son off to college but you have NO IDEA what it is like for us.  You don't know what we are going through to send our son to a school 20 minutes down the road.  You didn't have to come up with a game plan more than four years ago just to try to get services in place that we are still working through, and S got a new label and a new organization thrown in his lap last year.  You haven't had to deal with all of these agencies that are known by a group of letters.  Your son doesn't have to keep a binder full of paperwork from all of these organizations in addition to doing the required stuff for college.]

What I said:  There is more involved than just sending him off to college.

Her:  Oh, I'm sure you have to do a little more.

Yup!  That's right.  A little more....

You will find me on the couch with chocolate (and possibly wine) because, if you are reading this, you know what it's like.

An essay from my son: I have been able to be successful.

My son had to write an essay about himself this fall.  I think he did a great job of explaining himself.  I asked him if I could use it on my blog, and he gave me permission.  I have been hanging onto it waiting for the right time.  That time is now.  My son is graduating this weekend.  

You will find me on the couch with chocolate celebrating this milestone in my son's life. He has worked very hard to get here!

I have been able to be successful.

  “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:3 New International Version (NIV)) This was my confirmation verse and it has a special meaning to me because I have multiple disabilities. I’ve been able to be successful because of the people God has put in my life to help me on my journey. I think it is important to advocate for people who have disabilities, so they also have the chance to succeed in life as I have had so far.

I have three disabilities: CP, Low Vision, and ADD. My CP affects everything. However, the CP primarily affects my arms and legs. I started out using a walker. Now, I walk with crutches and I can also walk with one crutch. I can even walk short distances without any support. I use leg braces to help keep my legs straight when I walk. I use my own personal manual wheelchair to save energy and get around quickly when I have to travel long distances. I have always had problems with my vision; however, I recently received the label Low Vision. In the fourth grade, I was diagnosed with ADD. Even with my disabilities, I still have been successful in my life so far.

The reasons for my success are my parents, doctors, therapists, friends, other people and Faith. My parents have battled school systems to ensure that I’ve gotten a good education like everyone else. One school district suggested that I needed to be in a special school as a result of my disability. My parents said no and that I would be attending a regular public school. I have had good doctors and therapists. I have friends and other people who have helped me when I’ve needed help. My friends have made sure that when they plan activities that I can participate as well. At the end of the day, the number one reason why I am successful is because of my faith in Jesus Christ. I always pray for a better tomorrow, especially on the days that I’m physically struggling.

I think it is very important that all children and adults who have disabilities get the services and tools that they need in order to be successful. If they require certain adaptations in order to get tasks done and make their lives run smoothly, I think steps should always be taken in order that people with disabilities have access to them. If a person with a disability requires therapies, medications, or medical care, then I believe that steps should also be taken to ensure that they can gain access to them quickly without getting the run around from other people. I think it's very important to advocate for those who have a disability because I believe that everybody deserves a chance.

In conclusion, I do have a unique combination of disabilities. I have been able to be successful so far in life because I have had some help along the way. Everybody deserves a chance like I have been given.

It has taken a village...

As my son prepares to graduate from high school, my husband and I have spent a lot of time reflecting on the group of people who have helped us get S to this point.  We have most certainly not gotten him here on our own.  We refer to this group of people as Team S.

How do we go about recognizing all of these people who have helped S and our family get him to this point of graduation and preparing to start college?

We made a list.  This list includes people from Alabama, one person from California (not such good experiences there or as my mom, a retired teacher, says "they weren't very nice to him there"), Virginia, North Carolina, and South Carolina.  (There is a HUGE list of people from Minnesota, but they all received invitations to the party.)

It was quite humbling to see this list of people who have made a difference in our son's life. They have encouraged him, given him the support he needs, and pushed him to be the best he can be.

Our list includes principals, a Special Education director, teachers, assistants, Assistive Technology personnel, Physical Therapists, Speech Therapists, staff at his therapy clinic, horse handlers, volunteers at his riding facility, instructors at his riding facility, pastors, Sunday School teachers, his Pediatrician, his Ophthalmologist, the person who does all of his paperwork for equipment, his equipment rep, his chiropractor, his massage therapist, and friends.  

Some of the people we have stayed in touch with throughout the years.  Others we haven't. We had to do some searching to get addresses.  We sent the announcement with a thank you from S printed on the back.  

We have heard back from so many people.  

One person wrote, "It means so much to me but I want to point out that it's you who has done all of the heavy lifting."

Another person wrote, "THANK YOU with all my heart....please know that I learned so much with you and from you in our time together. You were a milestone in my professional world....I took the lessons we learned together and helped other students with your ideas."

His first grade teacher posted it on facebook, and it was so fun to read the comments from staff members who remember him.  

What we have learned through the years is that as much as people touch our lives and S's life, he touches their lives.

I am writing this post as I sit at the community college's Office of Student Success waiting for my son to finish his college placement tests.  I can't help but appreciate the name of this office whose staff will be such an important part of my son's college life. We are continuing to add to Team S

I will be on the couch with chocolate thanking God for blessing us with all of these amazing people who make up Team S.