What my son has learned - the first year of college

S has officially made it through the first year of college!!!!!!  It has been quite the experience for him…..and us.  He has received an education and MANY learning opportunities.  There have been “growing pains”.

He has grown up this past year.  He has always been an advocate for himself, but he really stepped up to the plate at college.  He has addressed many issues on campus regarding accessibility, and he presented at a workshop regarding accessibility as a student (just realized I never wrote about that).  He has learned that college isn’t cheap and that textbooks are ridiculously priced!  

He has learned that his parents have been trying to prepare him for the reality of college throughout the years (schedules, due dates, task management).  He has also learned that he is weak in some most of these areas.

He has learned that he does well with an online format.  Despite the fact that he’s not a morning person, he learned that he prefers morning classes over afternoon classes.  He has learned that self-paced isn’t necessarily as great as it sounds.  He has learned that due dates are real.

I think my son’s biggest lesson learned this year is that he CAN do this.  He has done well.  We encouraged him to start with a lighter load this year to get used to everything. He will be taking two classes during summer school which is on an accelerated cycle. For fall semester, he has currently scheduled three classes for himself.  He can do it.  He just needs to remember that.

He has learned that he has a huge support system in place. He has learned that we all want him to be the best that he can be.

Here is a recap of posts I wrote during S’s first year of school:

Ummmm...You don't know what it's like.

College just got real!

Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

The first week of college

What are the other kids doing?

I thought you were exaggerating.

Did you ever think…?

Due dates are not optional!

First semester of college is finished!

“Winging it” is not a plan for success.

How is S with time management?

I will be on the couch with chocolate celebrating this successful first year and remembering all of the lessons learned.  

How is S with time management?

S:  I’m doing well with my schoolwork.

Me:  And you should be.  You only have one class.

This was the tail end of a conversation that my son and I were having the other day.  This conversation started when he came downstairs at approximately 1:00 pm to start his day.  The deal we have is that if you are living at home as a young adult you need to be a productive member of society.  Most productive members start their day prior to 1:00.  I know, I know. Some people work the night shift.  He does not!

[Disclaimer:  This post might seem like it is jumping all over the place.  It has felt that way at our house the past few months. Welcome to our world!]

How did we get here?

There are so many things leading up to this point.  S graduated from high school last year and is currently a student at our local community college.  He started last semester with 7 credits, and that was enough for him.  

Fall Semester

A few posts I wrote last semester include:

The day before college starts

I thought you were exaggerating.

Due dates are not optional!

First semester of college is finished!

There is a common theme in these posts and they have to do with time management and organization.  Our son who is attending college with CP and Low Vision is having a challenging time with his ADD at school.

Spring Semester

This challenge is evidenced by his idea of a plan for college which I had to write about early this semester:  “Winging it” is not a plan for college success.”

He started this semester with two classes.  He is now down to one.  He was missing deadlines in one class.  Not only was he turning in work late, it was incomplete and not his best work.  We had to sit down with him and inform him that it was time to drop the one class, so he could salvage his other class.  

Discussions with Vocational Rehab Counselor

A couple of weeks ago we were at the ophthalmologist’s office.  S’s Vocational Rehab Counselor from DBVI joined us for the appointment.  Since we were there for approximately 3 hours, we had plenty of time to visit with her.  She asked S how school was going.  

After he talked around the issue for 5 minutes, I asked, “Did you tell her you dropped a class?”  

“I kind of did.”  

“No, you didn’t.”

She asked S how he was with time management and organization; she proceeded to offer him many suggestions to help himself with both issues.  At one point, she asked him if he has heard all of this from his parents because “I see your parents sitting over there laughing.”  We told her he can continue to hear the same information over and over and over and over because maybe he will try implementing some of these strategies.

We met with his VR counselor again a couple of days later for a meeting.  She asked us in the meeting, “How is S with time management?”  It is nonexistent.  We explained to her EVERYTHING we have suggested to S to help with his time management.  My husband and I are great at reading and researching.  Everything we have read, we have tried with him.  The lists on websites, in books, recommendations from professionals are all things we have tried with him.

The challenge we have now is that S is a young adult.  We can’t make him “do”.  We can’t enable him.  We can suggest.  We can support.  He must be the “doer”.  He must implement strategies and ask for help when needed.

I will be on the couch with chocolate.....

First semester of college is finished!

Today is the last day of my son’s first semester of college.  It has been an educational semester to say the least.  Okay, I will be honest.  It has been a challenge.  

When the semester first started, I wrote some posts about my son’s ADD and college.  I didn’t post what I wrote as I tried to figure out new boundaries for myself and my son; what I can write about and what I can’t.  I have been off the grid for a while trying to figure this out.

However, today is cause for celebration.  S made it through the semester.  It hasn’t been easy. He has worked EXTREMELY hard.  He has studied a lot.  

My son attends college as a student with three identified disabilities:  Cerebral Palsy - Spastic Quadriplegia, Low Vision, and ADD.  He had accommodations in place before the semester started.  His professors have been awesome about working with him so he could be successful. His biggest challenges came from his ADD:  organization skills,  time management, creating and executing a plan, and prioritizing tasks.

I have so many scenarios I could write about showcasing his challenges, but I haven’t.  Today’s scenario kind of wraps it all up.  

For his last final, my son had to write a final essay (500-750 words) to be turned in at 1:30 today. We planned on leaving at 12:30.  He had to write a final analysis of his writing throughout the semester for his English class.  They have had the opportunity to do extra credit related to this final project after each essay.  He has done that.  He was setting himself up for success.  He created a study plan to get himself through finals.  He knew what needed to be done to keep himself on track.  That train derailed early on…..

Last night, he was typing his essay.  We recommended that he finish it last night so he could sleep in today.  I will skip all of the boring details.  Here was what happened.

Today’s schedule:

2:30 AM:  S came upstairs kicking each step on the way which woke me up.  He informed me he wasn’t finished.

7:30 AM:  S woke up to finish writing.

9:00 AM:  Told me he was almost finished

11:00 AM:  Thought he was done.  Not sure on his word count.  Checked it.  He had 305 words.  Better write some a lot more.

11:30 AM:  Had 490 words.  Wrote one more sentence to push it to 504.

12:27 PM:  Printed paper.  Couldn’t find his phone.  Needed a backpack to put his paper in.  Needed a pencil.

1:40 PM:  I received a text from him that his paper was turned in.

At the end of the day (or semester), he finished. He made it through.  Next semester needs to be different.  He knows what areas he really needs to work on to help himself get through school and life a little easier.

I will be on the couch with chocolate and wine.  I think my husband may join me on the couch with a beer. Enjoy your weekend! We will.

October is ADHD Awareness Month, so I had planned on compiling a series of posts for this month.  My son was diagnosed with ADD 9 years ago and has been on medication since that time.  It was a life changing diagnosis for him.

My husband and I are pretty well versed on ADD.  We have read a lot about it.  We have tried many strategies to help our son in areas that are struggles for him due to his ADD:  time management, organization, prioritization of tasks.  We have purchased apps for his phone.  We have purchased wall calendars to try to help him visualize short and long term deadlines.  We have helped him set up binders.  You name it...we have tried it.

This leads me to my opening statement.  I planned on a series of posts.  I had even started putting ideas together.  Then, my son started college!  Wow!  It has been a time in our house. There are some good times and there are some tough times.

Not only is my son a college student, he is a college student who has Cerebral Palsy, Low Vision, and ADD.  Of these three labels, ADD is the one causing the most challenges in college. Accommodations are in place for his fine motor challenges and for his Low Vision.  All of his accommodations he receives for his CP and Low Vision are also beneficial accommodations for his ADD.  That is good.

The challenge is that accommodations cannot take the place of being organized, turning your work in on time, printing your work to turn in on time, prioritizing your tasks, staying on task, etc. If you have a child who has ADD, you understand this.  

The biggest issue my son is having right now is that all of the challenges are battling to be the forerunner in his life.  It has been a tough time for him which means a tough time for everyone else here.

Because prioritizing his work is a challenge and time management are challenges, due dates are like four letter words to S.  He thinks due dates should be fluid dates and can be moved if that works better for him.  If he’s getting tired or easily distracted, he should just be able to stop his work until it is a better, more convenient time for him.  That worked when he was homeschooled; it doesn’t work in college.  

Due dates are not optional!

He heard this while he was homeschooled also, but he didn’t listen to us (I thought you were exaggerating.)

There have been some many challenges so far this semester.  This week really threw some wrenches into his plans which were very good plans.  But….life happens.  He survived, and we survived.  His white board might be completely erased this weekend. We are all breathing a little easier right now.  

I will be on the couch with chocolate and wine (I’m not going to lie.).

What are the other kids doing?

"What are the other kids doing?"  This question has often been asked by S since he started PreK. He always wanted to do what the other kids were doing whether it was work, play, or activities.  

When he realized that a reduced work load was an accommodation being discussed in an IEP meeting, he was adamant that he was not having that. 

"What are the other kids doing? That is what I will do."

As he became older, he realized that he did do what the other kids were doing. He may have done it differently or it may have taken longer, but he did it.

Last year as we talked about S going to college we discussed the fact that he might have to start with a lighter load. "What? Is that what the other kids do when they start college?"  Some might.

We spent a lot of time talking about the pace of a college class, the work load, and the fact that we wanted him to be successful not frazzled. He did agree to start with 7 credits: Statistics, English Composition, and College Success Skills.

Two weeks into the semester and he understands why we wanted him to start with a lighter load.

1.  He has already decided that there is no way he can take 12 credits next semester.

2.  He has realized that he prefers morning class over afternoon class. He is not a morning person but he has realized the benefit of getting up and starting his day.

3.  He fully gets why he needs to stay on top of his homework, especially statistics.

"All I do is math homework." 

Yep. Welcome to college.

4.  He has also realized that he doesn't want to do what the other kids are doing which is not doing their homework. We keep telling him that all of his hard work now will pay off later (I hope that comes true).  

You will find me on the couch with chocolate and some wine as we help S study Statistics. There will be a celebration at our house when that class is finished!

(I managed to write this entire post on my phone while waiting to pick S up from his class.)

The first week of college

My son started college this week.  This is a BIG deal at our house.  S has worked very hard to get to this point in his life.  He hasn’t done this alone.  We haven’t done this alone.  It has taken a village to get our son here.  In the post, “I have been successful”, my son writes about the help he has received from others.  It has truly been a group effort.

Let me tell you about this week.

The day before college starts

This post talks about all we have done this past year to get to this point.  It has been a lot of work, but we made it to the day before.

The first day of classes

I dropped my son off before his morning class.  His last words to me were, “Pray for me.”  Oh, I have been...a lot.

The second day of classes

Today was just one class, English.  My son had already had contact with the professor.  He said this classroom is smaller than the other classrooms he is in, so there are challenges maneuvering himself to the front of the room.  Other students helped get the table where he needed it.  The helpfulness of others has been a true blessing!

This weekend

This weekend we will be helping S get himself organized.  This is a challenge for him, but he is motivated.  He already has his new digital recorder.  He has purchased new Dragon software for himself (appreciate the student discount).  He needed the Premium version which is supposed to transcribe his recorded lectures.  Can we get a Hallelujah for that?  Technology is a wonderful thing!!

In addition to starting classes, my son also had a dental appointment and a chiropractor appointment.  Fun, fun, fun!

Next week should be a routine week of classes for him.  My friend who has offered to help with transportation has already asked about next week.  I told her we need one full week to really work through the logistics of everything - timing for drop off/pick up, tutoring schedules, additional meetings, and which parking spaces are the best options for S to get himself to class.  We had some issues with Thursday’s parking spaces and the path that a wheelchair is expected to get through and around.  S decided he would rather wheel himself for a longer distance than have the closer route.

This weekend will be spent on the couch with chocolate enjoying my son's successful week!

The first day of classes

I dropped my son off before his morning class.  His last words to me were, “Pray for me.”  Oh, I have been...a lot.  I put that on Facebook, so S had many prayer warriors praying for him.

It was a pretty awesome moment to see him take his first “step” (I should say roll) into this new chapter of his life.

I was allowed to take a picture at home but not at school.  

His first day went well.  He didn't get lost. He ran into a student he attended co-op with a couple of years ago, and this kind young man made sure S got to the right classroom for Statistics.

He said the worst part of the day was just trying to get everything back into his bag.  His pencil fell on the floor.  His audio recorder fell on the floor and the batteries fell out.  When his dad went to show him that the file was still on the recorder, dad deleted the file.  Oops!  (Dad is buying him a new recorder tonight.) Packing his bag up has always been a challenge for him. It will get faster and easier with practice.

He talked to his teachers about his accommodations. He went to the Tutoring Center and is set up to start Statistics tutoring next week. He met up with the Assistive Technology Coordinator in one of the buildings, and this very helpful man made sure everything was set up in the classroom for S.  

He is working on his homework as I am typing this. We are thankful Day 1 was successful. Tomorrow is just English class. Hoping for another successful day!

You will find me on the couch with chocolate celebrating the successes in life!

The day before college starts

Here it is!  We made it.  It is the day before college starts.  It has been a process to get to this point. There have been many appointments scheduled, many trips to the college, many assistive technology decisions made, many logistical things that we have had to think through….but it has arrived.  The day before school….

How did we get here?

It has been a process.  We like to tell our son that these are all learning opportunities for him.  I think he’s tired of all of these opportunities.

The following list of blog posts is kind of a picture of what the process has been like the past year.  We started working toward this transition a long time ago, but some things just can’t be done until the end.

6 Steps for Transitioning a Child with Special Needs
When the insurance authorization letter arrives...

Low Vision Diagnosis
We visited the college.

Senior Stress and ADD

Visit with DBVI Vocational Rehab

Get through the wave

Getting ready for college

Ummmm...you don’t know what it’s like

A day at the college

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

Stop looking at me!

A Week of College Stuff

College just got real.

Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

What have we been doing this week?

This week has been a collaborative effort on our family’s part to make sure that S has everything he needs to be successful.

We have been to campus a number of times in the past week making sure S can get himself around campus.  The challenge he has with his Low Vision is that he can’t see the building names across campus.  He needs to know his exact path to follow to get from A to B.  We have visited campus frequently.  He has wheeled himself around.  We have talked out a path.  We have found landmarks for him to identify.  

Oh...another challenge is that it’s not just a matter of getting to the building and entering a door. He has to find the door that has the handicap accessible button or the door with the ramp.  

One more challenge S has is that he has a horrible sense of direction; however, he is very good with maps and creating a picture in his head.  He has studied the campus map.  We created a campus made of Legos, and he has moved the Lego man around campus and talked about the path.

He has his school supplies.  His supply list is somewhat different than other students.  He has Assistive Technology devices and software to help with his Low Vision and fine motor issues due to Cerebral Palsy.  He is using Zoom Text, Dragon Dictation, and the EmPower program through efofex software (free software for students with special needs to help with math and science equations and graphing) along with:

The Transformer which projects an enlarged image onto his laptop screen.  He has just received this, so he needs some practice with it to see how helpful it will really be.

He received a syllabus already from one teacher with her supplies on it.  We have had to try to figure out exactly what he will need from that list as we look at how he will adapt her requirements to fit his needs.  He has emailed her, and she seems quite receptive to what he has suggested.

S also has ADD which presents a challenge when we are talking about college.  Time management and planning are going to be key in his success.  He likes using Google Calendar and the task list.  He has already entered all of his assignments from the syllabus he has received.  (I won’t tell how long it actually took him to do that task.)

S likes looking at a calendar also.  We have a 4 week calendar on our fridge that he frequently stops by to look at and gets sucked into the “Calendar Zone”.  We purchased a 4 month calendar to hang on the wall near his desk.  J has filled it in for him for this semester and color coded everything for S.

At this point, we believe we have everything in place for S to be successful.  I'm sure we are missing something. I am anxious to talk to him tomorrow afternoon to see how his first day went. As he likes to tell us, “You are more excited about this than I am.”  Maybe...just maybe….

I will be on the couch with chocolate looking forward to seeing how this next chapter in my son’s life plays out!

Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

My son, S, is starting college next week.  It’s hard to believe it is here already.  He is in denial about it.  He did not want to graduate.  He is not excited about starting college.  When asked why he is attending college if he isn’t excited about it, he responds, “I know I have to go to college for what I want to do.”  Okay.  College will be much better if you act like you are enjoying it.

Last week, college became very real for him.  He was having a lot of anxious moments about starting school.  This has been concerning for me and my husband.  Do we make him go if he is feeling this anxious about it?  Do we have him wait to start?  Would waiting help the anxiety go away?

We have had many talks with him about school and what it will entail for him.  Our son has multiple disabilities - Cerebral Palsy, Low Vision, and ADD.  He has more challenges than the average freshman.  He knows that all of his accommodations are in place.  He knows he has various support service personnel to help him at school and at two different state agencies.  He knows he has family and friends supporting him.  Still, there has been this anxiety about going to college.

My son was homeschooled for seven years.  We know he is prepared academically for college.  I have probably had some mommy anxious moments too, “Did I do a good enough job getting him ready?  Is he concerned about the work load?”.

Last week I was talking to a lady I have become friends with this past year.  I was telling her about S and his anxiety about college.  She said, “He is going to do just fine. He is ready for the classes”  

On our drive home after horseback riding, I shared this story with him.  I wanted him to know that he has a lot of people who believe in him and his ability to be successful.

The following conversation took place.

“I know I am going to do fine in my classes.”  

I stopped, looked at him, and clarified, “You aren’t worried about your classes?”

“Nope!”

“Then why do you have such anxiety about going to college if you know you are going to do fine in your classes?  What is there to cause you to not want to attend?”

“Life is much easier at home.  Homeschooling was very comfortable, and I just knew that everything was taken care of and set up for me.”

Wow!  Didn’t expect that response!  I enjoyed that nice warm feeling for a moment and realized….

It is time for this baby bird to be pushed out of the nest and fly!  

You will find me on the couch with chocolate appreciating the fact that our homeschool was successful and, apparently, really comfortable.