I thought you were exaggerating.

My son who started college 3 weeks ago is feeling overwhelmed as he creates his “to-do” lists for his classes.  This is what we hear during and after the list making process:

“How am I supposed to get all of this done?”

“I have a project and my homework to complete for Statistics!”

“I need to read, take notes, and write an essay.”

“When am I supposed to _____?”

Background

My son was homeschooled for 7 years throughout middle and high school.  We knew he planned on going to college.  We prepped him for it.  We made sure he had the classes he would need. We worked REALLY hard to get him to practice and utilize good study habits. 

The challenge my son has in implementing good study habits (setting a schedule, organizing himself, time management, etc) is that he has ADD so these are not traits that come easily to him.  

Every year, every day, we have talked through strategies that might be helpful to him.  We have read information.  We have shared information.  We have asked for input from him to try to figure out how to best help him help himself.  

We have used wall calendars.  We have used Google Calendar and the task list.  We have listed work on a white board in order of priority after talking through the process of prioritizing.  We have talked about reasonable time limits for work.

High School

As S made his way through high school, we continued to stress the importance of having a list, a plan, a schedule, etc. to get his work done in a timely fashion.  This would allow him to have free time which we all need.

As college became a reality, my husband and I told him that the work was going to be more difficult.  It was going to be faster. It was going to be a balance between the classes.  College professors aren’t overly concerned with the fact that you have a project, test, and paper due all the same week or day.

College

Now that my son is in college and can see all of his work up on his 4 month calendar, the reality of the pace and workload is upon him.  See the above quotes.

Yesterday, as we drove to campus, he was telling me AGAIN that the pace is just crazy.  

How are we supposed to learn that quickly?

You are in college.  This is how it is.  We have been telling you that for years.

I know, but I didn’t think you were telling me the truth.  I thought you were exaggerating to get my attention.

Nope.  Nothing but the facts.

I will be on the couch with chocolate, and I’m not exaggerating about that!

The first day of classes

I dropped my son off before his morning class.  His last words to me were, “Pray for me.”  Oh, I have been...a lot.  I put that on Facebook, so S had many prayer warriors praying for him.

It was a pretty awesome moment to see him take his first “step” (I should say roll) into this new chapter of his life.

I was allowed to take a picture at home but not at school.  

His first day went well.  He didn't get lost. He ran into a student he attended co-op with a couple of years ago, and this kind young man made sure S got to the right classroom for Statistics.

He said the worst part of the day was just trying to get everything back into his bag.  His pencil fell on the floor.  His audio recorder fell on the floor and the batteries fell out.  When his dad went to show him that the file was still on the recorder, dad deleted the file.  Oops!  (Dad is buying him a new recorder tonight.) Packing his bag up has always been a challenge for him. It will get faster and easier with practice.

He talked to his teachers about his accommodations. He went to the Tutoring Center and is set up to start Statistics tutoring next week. He met up with the Assistive Technology Coordinator in one of the buildings, and this very helpful man made sure everything was set up in the classroom for S.  

He is working on his homework as I am typing this. We are thankful Day 1 was successful. Tomorrow is just English class. Hoping for another successful day!

You will find me on the couch with chocolate celebrating the successes in life!

The day before college starts

Here it is!  We made it.  It is the day before college starts.  It has been a process to get to this point. There have been many appointments scheduled, many trips to the college, many assistive technology decisions made, many logistical things that we have had to think through….but it has arrived.  The day before school….

How did we get here?

It has been a process.  We like to tell our son that these are all learning opportunities for him.  I think he’s tired of all of these opportunities.

The following list of blog posts is kind of a picture of what the process has been like the past year.  We started working toward this transition a long time ago, but some things just can’t be done until the end.

6 Steps for Transitioning a Child with Special Needs
When the insurance authorization letter arrives...

Low Vision Diagnosis
We visited the college.

Senior Stress and ADD

Visit with DBVI Vocational Rehab

Get through the wave

Getting ready for college

Ummmm...you don’t know what it’s like

A day at the college

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

Stop looking at me!

A Week of College Stuff

College just got real.

Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

What have we been doing this week?

This week has been a collaborative effort on our family’s part to make sure that S has everything he needs to be successful.

We have been to campus a number of times in the past week making sure S can get himself around campus.  The challenge he has with his Low Vision is that he can’t see the building names across campus.  He needs to know his exact path to follow to get from A to B.  We have visited campus frequently.  He has wheeled himself around.  We have talked out a path.  We have found landmarks for him to identify.  

Oh...another challenge is that it’s not just a matter of getting to the building and entering a door. He has to find the door that has the handicap accessible button or the door with the ramp.  

One more challenge S has is that he has a horrible sense of direction; however, he is very good with maps and creating a picture in his head.  He has studied the campus map.  We created a campus made of Legos, and he has moved the Lego man around campus and talked about the path.

He has his school supplies.  His supply list is somewhat different than other students.  He has Assistive Technology devices and software to help with his Low Vision and fine motor issues due to Cerebral Palsy.  He is using Zoom Text, Dragon Dictation, and the EmPower program through efofex software (free software for students with special needs to help with math and science equations and graphing) along with:

The Transformer which projects an enlarged image onto his laptop screen.  He has just received this, so he needs some practice with it to see how helpful it will really be.

He received a syllabus already from one teacher with her supplies on it.  We have had to try to figure out exactly what he will need from that list as we look at how he will adapt her requirements to fit his needs.  He has emailed her, and she seems quite receptive to what he has suggested.

S also has ADD which presents a challenge when we are talking about college.  Time management and planning are going to be key in his success.  He likes using Google Calendar and the task list.  He has already entered all of his assignments from the syllabus he has received.  (I won’t tell how long it actually took him to do that task.)

S likes looking at a calendar also.  We have a 4 week calendar on our fridge that he frequently stops by to look at and gets sucked into the “Calendar Zone”.  We purchased a 4 month calendar to hang on the wall near his desk.  J has filled it in for him for this semester and color coded everything for S.

At this point, we believe we have everything in place for S to be successful.  I'm sure we are missing something. I am anxious to talk to him tomorrow afternoon to see how his first day went. As he likes to tell us, “You are more excited about this than I am.”  Maybe...just maybe….

I will be on the couch with chocolate looking forward to seeing how this next chapter in my son’s life plays out!

Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

My son, S, is starting college next week.  It’s hard to believe it is here already.  He is in denial about it.  He did not want to graduate.  He is not excited about starting college.  When asked why he is attending college if he isn’t excited about it, he responds, “I know I have to go to college for what I want to do.”  Okay.  College will be much better if you act like you are enjoying it.

Last week, college became very real for him.  He was having a lot of anxious moments about starting school.  This has been concerning for me and my husband.  Do we make him go if he is feeling this anxious about it?  Do we have him wait to start?  Would waiting help the anxiety go away?

We have had many talks with him about school and what it will entail for him.  Our son has multiple disabilities - Cerebral Palsy, Low Vision, and ADD.  He has more challenges than the average freshman.  He knows that all of his accommodations are in place.  He knows he has various support service personnel to help him at school and at two different state agencies.  He knows he has family and friends supporting him.  Still, there has been this anxiety about going to college.

My son was homeschooled for seven years.  We know he is prepared academically for college.  I have probably had some mommy anxious moments too, “Did I do a good enough job getting him ready?  Is he concerned about the work load?”.

Last week I was talking to a lady I have become friends with this past year.  I was telling her about S and his anxiety about college.  She said, “He is going to do just fine. He is ready for the classes”  

On our drive home after horseback riding, I shared this story with him.  I wanted him to know that he has a lot of people who believe in him and his ability to be successful.

The following conversation took place.

“I know I am going to do fine in my classes.”  

I stopped, looked at him, and clarified, “You aren’t worried about your classes?”

“Nope!”

“Then why do you have such anxiety about going to college if you know you are going to do fine in your classes?  What is there to cause you to not want to attend?”

“Life is much easier at home.  Homeschooling was very comfortable, and I just knew that everything was taken care of and set up for me.”

Wow!  Didn’t expect that response!  I enjoyed that nice warm feeling for a moment and realized….

It is time for this baby bird to be pushed out of the nest and fly!  

You will find me on the couch with chocolate appreciating the fact that our homeschool was successful and, apparently, really comfortable.

College just got real!

My son starts college in two weeks.  He’s still very apprehensive about it.  There is a lot of change taking place.  He is going to be far removed from his comfort zone.  We have everything in place for him.

*His support services are established.

*He has met with all of the people who are providing support services.

*He has Vocational Rehab plans in place through two different agencies.

*He has an Academic Plan in place with the college.

*He has his accommodations letters in hand.

*He is picking up his assistive technology next week.

*He has registered for classes.

*He has paid tuition.

*He has purchased his books.

The other day he checked his college email, and there it was - the syllabus for English Composition.  That freaked him out.    

There is nothing in that class that he can’t do.  There are things he will do differently (accommodations).  He emailed the professor with his accommodations letter attached and explained what he was going to need to do differently based upon her class requirements.  We told him he is being proactive which is a good thing.  

I had to explain to him that everyone in his class is going to be a little bit scared.  I told him to look around that first day and realize that every student in there will have some anxiety about being in a college course.  It’s not just him.  He’s not alone, and he will be okay.

I will be on the couch with chocolate which I may or may not share with my son.

A Week of College Stuff

This has been a busy week of doing college things, getting ready for college, and making observations about transitioning to college.  Here is a wrap up of the posts I have written about these things.  Enjoy!

A Day at the College

A heat index in the triple digits and we were on campus for 2 1/2 hours doing many things to get my son ready for college.  The pool would have been a better place to be, but we were successful in our campus tasks.

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

My son needs a bag for college.  Buying a bag is such an ordeal that it gets its own blog post.

Stop looking at me!

We are working hard on transitioning our son from being dependent upon us to answer questions for him or as he told me, "What was the point of getting the FERPA paper signed if I can't get you to handle the stuff I don't want to?"  Exactly!

I hope you have a good weekend!  I think we only have to go to campus one time next week! That calls for time on the couch with chocolate.

Stop looking at me!

During the past few weeks I have been busy running my son to the college and various other places for appointments and meetings regarding his college transition.  During these appointments, I often found myself wanting to say, “Stop looking at me!”  

This thought is not directed at the people S is meeting with.  This thought is meant for him.  I don’t mean this in a nasty way.  I mean this in a “You are 18 years old, and they really don’t want to talk to me or hear from me.  Stop looking at me when they ask you a question.  It is a question you can answer.”

Every time we leave a place I bring up this observation to him.  He doesn’t realize he’s doing it but he does it EVERY time.  I stress the fact that he is just weeks out from starting college; therefore, he is in a position to answer these questions for himself.  

This is part of his transition, and I get that.  For 14 years, he has looked to us to answer questions for him.  We have been working on this handoff for a few years. He needs to accept that he is now an adult.  We will always be there to support him; however, he has a voice, and it needs to be heard whether he is answering questions or advocating for himself.  

Throughout the years, we have had to redirect questions about S to him rather than to us. Questions like:  

“What is his name?”

“What is his address?”  

“How old is he?”

Now, we need to redirect him to answer the questions without looking at us.  He’s getting there. It will take a little more time. 

Heading off to college is a scary prospect for him. I get that. He told me, "I'm just looking for confirmation." I understand that if it's a question that he's unsure about the answer; however, he has been doing it for every question.

He just needs to stop looking at me especially if I’m on the couch with chocolate.

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

As we are preparing for our son to start college next month, one of the things S needed to buy was a bag to carry his books and laptop.  Most college students go to a store and buy a backpack, messenger bag, or sling bag, and they are set.  Of course, it can't be that simple. Since most things in S's life aren't easy, why would buying a bag be any different?

Backpacks

Because S will be using his wheelchair on campus, he needs a bag that he can easily get to while in his wheelchair.  Some people who use wheelchairs have no problems putting a backpack onto the handles of their chair and turning around to get things out of it.  S's CP and scoliosis prevent him from turning like that.  A backpack doesn't work.

Messenger Bag

He has a messenger bag that he uses on a daily basis; however, it is too small for what he will need at college.  It also doesn't lend itself to being used in his wheelchair.  Because of the way it hangs on him while he sits, it impedes him pushing himself in his wheelchair.  Sometimes he just throws it around his neck wearing it like a feed bag; however, put a laptop and a textbook or two in there and you are asking for a lot of neck problems.  He doesn't need anything else that needs to be dealt with.

Another issue he has with his messenger bag is that there are too many pockets that he can throw "stuff" into.  The problem with this is twofold:

1.  He has a hard time seeing into the deep, dark abyss that are the pockets of his bag to see what he is looking for.

2.  ADD:  He finds something else that he was looking for earlier and distracts himself from what he is supposed to be finding.

If you are ever doing a scavenger hunt, his bag would be the one you would want to dig through to find random things that most people would never carry around.  Guaranteed that you would probably find it in that bag!

Wheelchair Carry All

S has a Carry All that attaches under his wheelchair seat.  It is nice for carrying things, but it is very difficult for him to get things out of it himself.  It requires him to spread his legs and bend over at the same time.  His CP doesn't allow him to do that.  He can spread his legs OR he can bend over.  Take your pick.

Sling Bags

We think this is the best option.  He is going to have to wear it on his chest rather than his back because he won't be positioned in his wheelchair correctly.  The challenges we have found with a sling bag include:

1.  How is the zipper positioned on it? Is it angled or more a straight line at the top?

2.  What is the size of the bag?  S isn't very tall, so there isn't a lot of body space for the bag to sit on his chest/lap.

3.  Regarding the size of the bag, will a laptop fit in the bag that best fits his body?

We ordered two sling bags, one smaller and one larger.  The smaller one is a great fit for S’s body and doesn’t look like he could fit in it.  We were originally told that he was going to be getting a Surface tablet for school (one of his agencies is providing AT support for college).  The Amazon review for this bag said that a Surface tablet fits with a book.  Perfect!

Not quite so simple….S met with AT and was told he will be getting a laptop.  Guess what is just a little too big for the perfect bag?  The laptop.  We have to decide if he will use the bigger bag which is quite big but would fit his books and laptop or if we start a new search.

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult? Difficult enough that I wrote a whole blog post about it. Go figure!

I will be on the couch with chocolate and the ipad searching for the perfect bag.

A Day at the College

Once again, my son and I were at the college.  He had an 11:00 appointment with the TRIO office on Monday, but we went early since he had other things to do on campus.

To start with, S was exhausted.  We were at a pool party the night before, and he spent 3 hours in the water.  Wore him out!  We headed out in the morning, and it was a balmy 96 degrees with a heat index of 106/107 degrees.  There was a heat advisory.  This is a child who sweats clicking the mouse on the computer in an air conditioned house.

Every time we are on campus, we discuss where we are at and where he needs to go.  We talk about what buildings he needs to be in for his classes.  We look for the doors that have the handicap accessible buttons.  

Just what he wants to do on a day when it is hot. Since we were there, we were going to be productive.  

Stop #1  ID Card

We arrived at the ID card office and read the sign listing the required documents.  S had all of them, but he needed to write his name and student number on his schedule.  No pen.  We decided to use the pen in the office.  "What is your student number?"  He needed to look it up on his phone.  We have been telling him for the past 2 months that he MUST memorize this number. We went into the office, and I quickly wrote his name and number on his schedule.  

The woman inputting the information started asking me questions about S.  This is a problem.  If he is attending school, he surely should be able to answer basic questions about himself (his address).  Then, she told me that S's student number is wrong.  Tell him, not me!  He's missing a number.  Of course, he is!  I said we would go out and look it up.  Another worker in the office had someone else pull it up.  S is missing the middle number in his student number.  (I found out when we left the college 2 1/2 hours later that S knew this earlier.)

They moved a chair so S could back his wheelchair into place for his photo.  They took it numerous times because the lighting wasn't good, but they finally called it good.  He now has his student ID.

Stop #2  Parking Permit

S doesn't drive, but the fee for a parking permit is automatically included in his student fees.  He is going to get one.  We saw online that there is a link to fill out the paperwork ahead of time except for the fact that it doesn't get us to the right spot.  On the signs throughout the hallway, it states very clearly that the paperwork must be filled out online.  We found another link to try.  We were going to stop and ask about it, but there was a line.  No time for that.

Stop #3 Quick tour of the building

These offices are in the building that S will be in for Statistics.  We did a quick recon of the building identifying how to find his classroom and peeked in a room to see what kind of seating they had for students using wheelchairs.  In each room, there is a table in addition to the desks. S knows that he needs to be near the front of the room because of his Low Vision.  We talked strategy to make sure the table gets moved for him.

Stop #4 Disabled Student Services Office

S had to drop off his schedule to get his accommodation letters printed.  The secretary offered to print them while we waited.  We did.  She explained to S what he needed to do with them.  She said if he lost them to come back and she would reprint them.  I informed him if he had to go back in for a reprint he better bring her chocolate!  She did not disagree.

Stop #5 Quick tour of the building

S has 2 classes in this building.  One is on the second floor, so we found the location of the elevator and went upstairs to find the classroom.  We identified locations upstairs to help him find his classroom.  "If you pass this, you have gone too far."

Back downstairs to find the classroom downstairs.  It is well marked.  He shouldn't have any trouble finding that.  He was impressed with the bathrooms on the first floor since they have buttons to open the doors.

Stop #6  Library/Tutoring Center

On our way to his 11:00 appointment, we swung by the library to see where he will need to go for tutoring.  We told him the tutoring center needs to be well known by him.  Use the help they have there for you.

Stop #7 TRIO office

Finally, the reason we were there.  His appointment.  He was there to create his Academic Success Plan.  It was supposed to take 30-40 minutes.  It took 75 minutes, and I ended up in there for the last half.

S was a hot, sweaty mess when we were finished.  There was a trip to Starbucks on our way home.

He still isn't done.  We will be back.  I just hope it's cooler.  Until then, I will be in the air conditioned house on the couch with chocolate.

This school has closed.

The Final Wrap Up

My son graduated last month.  We took his party on the road and celebrated in Minnesota at the end of June.  While we were there, someone made a comment about our school.  My husband said, “That school is closed.”  He’s right.  The end of an era has come to our house.

We didn’t set out to be a homeschooling family.  In the end, we were a homeschool/public school family.  We had one son in each setting.  We were a “do what is best for each child” family.  

For S, we decided that homeschooling him was the best option after attending public elementary school.  He was homeschooled for half of third grade in California prior to moving to Virginia. Once we moved here, he attended public school for 2 ½ years.  We made the decision to start homeschooling him for sixth grade and continued on until the end.  It’s been quite a journey!

The past week has been spent cleaning out school “stuff” from our house.  It has been a process. I thought we had cleaned out quite a bit last summer.  There were still a lot of things shoved on the bookshelves, in binders, in closets, and in files.  We have three bins of stuff to give away to friends.  It is amazing how much stuff we had considering that my son did the majority of his work through computerized options.

We reorganized the office area that my son worked in and made it more of a college student type space.  It looks very different in there.  Times are changing here.

I’m not sure what this next year looks like for me.  It will be very different.  I will be busy as we support my son in his transition to college.

Now that my office is organized and my school is closed, there will be a lot of time for me to be on the couch with chocolate...

Linking up with:

Ummmm...You don't know what it's like.

My husband and I have two sons, J and S.  J will be a junior in high school and is starting to look at colleges.  S graduated last month.  He starts classes at the local community college next month.   He has paid his tuition.  He has purchased his books.  He has his bag for school.  He has attended the New Student Experience.  We have transportation figured out (kind of).

Our son has multiple disabilities.  He has Cerebral Palsy which impacts gross and fine motor skills and his speech.  He has ADD.  Last year he was labeled with Low Vision.  He doesn't drive.

We have been working with our son for years to get him to achieve his goal of attending college. A few years ago we created the "Four Pillars of Life", listing skills he would need to be independent and successful.  We made sure he had the proper courses in high school to prepare him for college.  We have called various agencies and talked to numerous professionals to make sure we were on the right path of finding appropriate services and getting them in place prior to this point.   Our son works with two Vocational Rehab counselors from two different agencies. He has Assistive Technology people helping him through three different organizations.

Even though we have been very proactive in this whole process, we are still sprinting through this summer trying to finalize everything.  We are taking S to meet with someone in an office somewhere at least once a week.  I think he has been at the community college every week this summer.  He is headed over there again tomorrow.  

A recent conversation

The other day someone we know was asking S about his plans.  He told her that he was attending community college this fall working toward an Associate of Arts degree with a History focus. He intends to transfer to a 4 year school when he is finished at the community college.

This woman came up to me afterwards and said that S had been telling her his plans. I said we had been crazy busy this summer trying to get everything into place for him.

Her:  "Oh, I know what it's like."

Me:  Ummmm........(killing time....dramatic effect....trying to figure out how to respond)....

[What I wanted to say:  You do know what it's like to send your son off to college but you have NO IDEA what it is like for us.  You don't know what we are going through to send our son to a school 20 minutes down the road.  You didn't have to come up with a game plan more than four years ago just to try to get services in place that we are still working through, and S got a new label and a new organization thrown in his lap last year.  You haven't had to deal with all of these agencies that are known by a group of letters.  Your son doesn't have to keep a binder full of paperwork from all of these organizations in addition to doing the required stuff for college.]

What I said:  There is more involved than just sending him off to college.

Her:  Oh, I'm sure you have to do a little more.

Yup!  That's right.  A little more....

You will find me on the couch with chocolate (and possibly wine) because, if you are reading this, you know what it's like.