How is S with time management?

S:  I’m doing well with my schoolwork.

Me:  And you should be.  You only have one class.

This was the tail end of a conversation that my son and I were having the other day.  This conversation started when he came downstairs at approximately 1:00 pm to start his day.  The deal we have is that if you are living at home as a young adult you need to be a productive member of society.  Most productive members start their day prior to 1:00.  I know, I know. Some people work the night shift.  He does not!

[Disclaimer:  This post might seem like it is jumping all over the place.  It has felt that way at our house the past few months. Welcome to our world!]

How did we get here?

There are so many things leading up to this point.  S graduated from high school last year and is currently a student at our local community college.  He started last semester with 7 credits, and that was enough for him.  

Fall Semester

A few posts I wrote last semester include:

The day before college starts

I thought you were exaggerating.

Due dates are not optional!

First semester of college is finished!

There is a common theme in these posts and they have to do with time management and organization.  Our son who is attending college with CP and Low Vision is having a challenging time with his ADD at school.

Spring Semester

This challenge is evidenced by his idea of a plan for college which I had to write about early this semester:  “Winging it” is not a plan for college success.”

He started this semester with two classes.  He is now down to one.  He was missing deadlines in one class.  Not only was he turning in work late, it was incomplete and not his best work.  We had to sit down with him and inform him that it was time to drop the one class, so he could salvage his other class.  

Discussions with Vocational Rehab Counselor

A couple of weeks ago we were at the ophthalmologist’s office.  S’s Vocational Rehab Counselor from DBVI joined us for the appointment.  Since we were there for approximately 3 hours, we had plenty of time to visit with her.  She asked S how school was going.  

After he talked around the issue for 5 minutes, I asked, “Did you tell her you dropped a class?”  

“I kind of did.”  

“No, you didn’t.”

She asked S how he was with time management and organization; she proceeded to offer him many suggestions to help himself with both issues.  At one point, she asked him if he has heard all of this from his parents because “I see your parents sitting over there laughing.”  We told her he can continue to hear the same information over and over and over and over because maybe he will try implementing some of these strategies.

We met with his VR counselor again a couple of days later for a meeting.  She asked us in the meeting, “How is S with time management?”  It is nonexistent.  We explained to her EVERYTHING we have suggested to S to help with his time management.  My husband and I are great at reading and researching.  Everything we have read, we have tried with him.  The lists on websites, in books, recommendations from professionals are all things we have tried with him.

The challenge we have now is that S is a young adult.  We can’t make him “do”.  We can’t enable him.  We can suggest.  We can support.  He must be the “doer”.  He must implement strategies and ask for help when needed.

I will be on the couch with chocolate.....

This is a timely post because I just realized that February is Low Vision Awareness month.  Our son was identified as Low Vision right before the start of his senior year (fall of 2014).  The label has actually been a good thing because the Department of Blind and Visually Impaired is providing our son with great services.  We have pondered the question, “Why wasn’t he identified earlier?” although that doesn’t really matter.  We are in the here and now, and he is receiving the care he needs….which brings me to this post.

I have a purse full of glasses.

Yesterday my son and I headed to the optical shop (OS).  We have been customers here for more than 10 years.  They know my family well.

This is how the initial conversation started as we walked in the door.

OS:  How can we help you?

Me:  It’s complicated.

[Now we had everyone’s attention.  It’s an optical shop.  How complicated can it be?  Oh, it was my family.  Where there’s a will, there’s a way.]

OS:  Oh, by all means, come to table 2.

We went over there.  It took a little bit to get S maneuvered up on the tall chairs.

OS:  What’s going on?  Didn’t S just get new glasses?

Me:  Why yes.  We just picked them up 3 weeks ago.

OS:  Is there a problem with them?

Me:  No

OS:  What do you need today?

They should have known something was up when I walked through the door with my purse.  I rarely carry a purse.  And, at this point, I started pulling S’s glasses out of my purse….one pair, two pairs, three pairs, four pairs, and five pairs.  Remember, he was wearing a pair also.

Me:  Here’s the situation.  S was referred to an ophthalmologist from his ophthalmologist to discuss a possible eye surgery.  The new ophthalmologist would like to see him again after he has been wearing glasses with no prisms in the lenses.  [S’s glasses have very thick prism lenses in them.  The surgery being discussed would be on his eye muscles and hopefully reduce or eliminate the need for prisms.]  We told the ophthalmologist that we had glasses at home that didn’t have prisms in them.  Unfortunately, they are not the right prescription for him.  Long story short, he needs new lenses.  What is the best option?  Replace lenses in a pair of frames I have with or get new frames and lenses.

This optical shop has always taken good care of us.  We are very good customers (think $$$$). All four people in my household wear glasses or contacts.  Thank goodness we have good vision coverage through my husband’s work; however, we were private paying this pair of glasses.  S’s glasses tend to be expensive because of the high power, prisms, transitions, etc.  It helped that these didn’t require prisms, and we opted to not do transition lenses.  We don’t know what is going to happen - surgery or no surgery, prisms or no prisms.  We are saving our insurance coverage for his permanent pair of glasses once everything is figured out.

The manager of the optical shop clicked around on her computer for a while and presented me with a very reasonable price for frames and lenses.  S hates picking out new frames; however, he picked a frame quickly.  Now we wait and hope that they come in quickly.  

Obviously, since I showed up there with a purse full of glasses, S has glasses that need to be cleaned out of our house his room. We will get in his bedroom and find out how many other pairs of glasses happen to be buried in there.  We will take them to the optical shop so they can be donated through the Lions Eyeglass Recycling Program.

You can find me on the couch with chocolate and my purse and a bag of old glasses ready to be donated while we wait for the call that S’s new glasses have come in.  Enjoy the weekend!

A Week of College Stuff

This has been a busy week of doing college things, getting ready for college, and making observations about transitioning to college.  Here is a wrap up of the posts I have written about these things.  Enjoy!

A Day at the College

A heat index in the triple digits and we were on campus for 2 1/2 hours doing many things to get my son ready for college.  The pool would have been a better place to be, but we were successful in our campus tasks.

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

My son needs a bag for college.  Buying a bag is such an ordeal that it gets its own blog post.

Stop looking at me!

We are working hard on transitioning our son from being dependent upon us to answer questions for him or as he told me, "What was the point of getting the FERPA paper signed if I can't get you to handle the stuff I don't want to?"  Exactly!

I hope you have a good weekend!  I think we only have to go to campus one time next week! That calls for time on the couch with chocolate.

Stop looking at me!

During the past few weeks I have been busy running my son to the college and various other places for appointments and meetings regarding his college transition.  During these appointments, I often found myself wanting to say, “Stop looking at me!”  

This thought is not directed at the people S is meeting with.  This thought is meant for him.  I don’t mean this in a nasty way.  I mean this in a “You are 18 years old, and they really don’t want to talk to me or hear from me.  Stop looking at me when they ask you a question.  It is a question you can answer.”

Every time we leave a place I bring up this observation to him.  He doesn’t realize he’s doing it but he does it EVERY time.  I stress the fact that he is just weeks out from starting college; therefore, he is in a position to answer these questions for himself.  

This is part of his transition, and I get that.  For 14 years, he has looked to us to answer questions for him.  We have been working on this handoff for a few years. He needs to accept that he is now an adult.  We will always be there to support him; however, he has a voice, and it needs to be heard whether he is answering questions or advocating for himself.  

Throughout the years, we have had to redirect questions about S to him rather than to us. Questions like:  

“What is his name?”

“What is his address?”  

“How old is he?”

Now, we need to redirect him to answer the questions without looking at us.  He’s getting there. It will take a little more time. 

Heading off to college is a scary prospect for him. I get that. He told me, "I'm just looking for confirmation." I understand that if it's a question that he's unsure about the answer; however, he has been doing it for every question.

He just needs to stop looking at me especially if I’m on the couch with chocolate.

A Day at the College

Once again, my son and I were at the college.  He had an 11:00 appointment with the TRIO office on Monday, but we went early since he had other things to do on campus.

To start with, S was exhausted.  We were at a pool party the night before, and he spent 3 hours in the water.  Wore him out!  We headed out in the morning, and it was a balmy 96 degrees with a heat index of 106/107 degrees.  There was a heat advisory.  This is a child who sweats clicking the mouse on the computer in an air conditioned house.

Every time we are on campus, we discuss where we are at and where he needs to go.  We talk about what buildings he needs to be in for his classes.  We look for the doors that have the handicap accessible buttons.  

Just what he wants to do on a day when it is hot. Since we were there, we were going to be productive.  

Stop #1  ID Card

We arrived at the ID card office and read the sign listing the required documents.  S had all of them, but he needed to write his name and student number on his schedule.  No pen.  We decided to use the pen in the office.  "What is your student number?"  He needed to look it up on his phone.  We have been telling him for the past 2 months that he MUST memorize this number. We went into the office, and I quickly wrote his name and number on his schedule.  

The woman inputting the information started asking me questions about S.  This is a problem.  If he is attending school, he surely should be able to answer basic questions about himself (his address).  Then, she told me that S's student number is wrong.  Tell him, not me!  He's missing a number.  Of course, he is!  I said we would go out and look it up.  Another worker in the office had someone else pull it up.  S is missing the middle number in his student number.  (I found out when we left the college 2 1/2 hours later that S knew this earlier.)

They moved a chair so S could back his wheelchair into place for his photo.  They took it numerous times because the lighting wasn't good, but they finally called it good.  He now has his student ID.

Stop #2  Parking Permit

S doesn't drive, but the fee for a parking permit is automatically included in his student fees.  He is going to get one.  We saw online that there is a link to fill out the paperwork ahead of time except for the fact that it doesn't get us to the right spot.  On the signs throughout the hallway, it states very clearly that the paperwork must be filled out online.  We found another link to try.  We were going to stop and ask about it, but there was a line.  No time for that.

Stop #3 Quick tour of the building

These offices are in the building that S will be in for Statistics.  We did a quick recon of the building identifying how to find his classroom and peeked in a room to see what kind of seating they had for students using wheelchairs.  In each room, there is a table in addition to the desks. S knows that he needs to be near the front of the room because of his Low Vision.  We talked strategy to make sure the table gets moved for him.

Stop #4 Disabled Student Services Office

S had to drop off his schedule to get his accommodation letters printed.  The secretary offered to print them while we waited.  We did.  She explained to S what he needed to do with them.  She said if he lost them to come back and she would reprint them.  I informed him if he had to go back in for a reprint he better bring her chocolate!  She did not disagree.

Stop #5 Quick tour of the building

S has 2 classes in this building.  One is on the second floor, so we found the location of the elevator and went upstairs to find the classroom.  We identified locations upstairs to help him find his classroom.  "If you pass this, you have gone too far."

Back downstairs to find the classroom downstairs.  It is well marked.  He shouldn't have any trouble finding that.  He was impressed with the bathrooms on the first floor since they have buttons to open the doors.

Stop #6  Library/Tutoring Center

On our way to his 11:00 appointment, we swung by the library to see where he will need to go for tutoring.  We told him the tutoring center needs to be well known by him.  Use the help they have there for you.

Stop #7 TRIO office

Finally, the reason we were there.  His appointment.  He was there to create his Academic Success Plan.  It was supposed to take 30-40 minutes.  It took 75 minutes, and I ended up in there for the last half.

S was a hot, sweaty mess when we were finished.  There was a trip to Starbucks on our way home.

He still isn't done.  We will be back.  I just hope it's cooler.  Until then, I will be in the air conditioned house on the couch with chocolate.

Graduation is 8 days away!

The Senior

S has had an easy week.  He attended a luncheon on Monday to hear a speaker discuss the French influence on the construction of some Army installations near us.  He loved that. Tuesday’s chiropractic appointment was cancelled because the doctor was sick; however, I didn’t check my voicemail prior to leaving for the office in a massive storm.  Oops! Today he has horseback riding.

On the school side, he has been wrapping up his German IV course.  Graduation is in 8 days!!

Last week I wrote how S was waiting to hear from the community college about his College Algebra course but his transcript had disappeared.  It has been found.  He is now waiting on the official verdict as to whether or not he needs to take the Math placement test and if he will get credit for the course.  Looking forward to that decision being made so he can register for his classes.

The Sophomore

J had a great week!  His braces came off on Monday!!!!!!

He’s busy wrapping things up at school.  It is locker clean out time. Oh my word! High school is better than elementary school, but it is still a lot. He came home the other day with his PE shirt and books he had used for sophomore summer reading. We also had the AP History study book and flashcards. He had ideas as to who we could give these items too. Great idea! We are quickly handing things off to families with rising sophomores. The PE shirt is going to a rising freshman.  These families are helping us out by taking this stuff.
J's last day is June 15, a Monday.  Not only is it a Monday, they are taking finals so the kids have to be there.  Finals start next Wednesday afternoon.  He is exempt from the one Wednesday afternoon.  Thursday, Friday, and Monday are two exams each day.  He is exempt from the second one on Thursday.  Being exempt means he can leave campus. He likes that. They get the exemptions if they pass their SOLs (state testing).  They can be recommended to take the final if their final grade can be helped by it.

We scheduled J’s behind the wheel training to get his license.  That will start next Monday. These next few weeks are not going to be any less crazy around here.  We used to say “wait until things get back to normal” but we know that this is our normal.

On the Homefront

As noted from above, it’s been busy here.  We had a great time on our trip to South Carolina last weekend, but we were tired when we got home Sunday night.  

It was a busy week with appointments.  Tuesday we had bad storms and our power went out for 3 hours.  Of course, J had homework that required internet access.  Everything S wanted to get done on Tuesday afternoon required the computer and internet access so we read instead.  

It has been quite rainy here all week.  That makes it hard to get outside work done, and our backyard needs a great deal of TLC.  I happened to see an episode of “Yard Crashers” while we were in the hotel in South Carolina.  I need that to happen to us.

I have been cleaning off bookshelves. I started doing this last summer. Even so, it is amazing how much school "stuff" has accumulated through the years, and I have only homeschooled one child who did the majority of his work on the computer. We have friends from church who homeschool, so I offer my stuff to them.  I realized yesterday that I hadn't cancelled our annual subscription to ALEKS, so I got on that quickly. We have used this for S's math for 5 years, and it was a great fit for him. I have also been printing end of year/school documents: grades, transcripts, reading logs, course descriptions. I have one final letter to send to our school district stating, "S has graduated."

This weekend will be busy.  One of our pastors is moving to New Jersey.  Saturday afternoon their family and dog are supposed to come and hang out at our house while there is an Open House held at their house. That evening is a farewell dinner/program at church.  We are only going to the program.  They are expecting quite a few people which is good; however, it is very difficult for S to get around safely with that many people there.  

We are having friends over along with our pastor and his family Sunday evening for cake and ice cream.

My parents are flying in on Tuesday for S’s commencement.  There will be some house cleaning happening here!  They sleep in S's room when they visit, so he knows his room needs to be cleaned. It's not as bad as it has been in the past, so it shouldn't take him very long.

What did I write this week?

It has taken a village…

Celebrating Adoption Day

This weekend you will find me on the couch with chocolate watching the Dateline episode about medical marijuana on June 7.  My friend is in this episode.  She is an amazing woman!  

Linking up with:

Almost to the end of Senior year!

On the Homefront

You know it's been a crazy week when I start with the homefront first.  Our calendar has looked like a mosaic with all of the different colored boxes overlapping and butting up next to each other.  This week the boys have had 3 medical appointments, 2 meetings, an SOL test, and college placement testing.  This is on top of regularly scheduled activities - horseback riding, youth group, and gymnastics practice.  And, my husband had a church meeting squeezed in there.  My husband and I are tired!

Although it was a crazy, busy week, these were all necessary things that were accomplished. That is always a good feeling.  

We have a fairly relaxed weekend ahead of us, so we are looking forward to that.  We are going to a cookout Saturday evening.  We have 2 invitations for Sunday.  Not sure we will make it to both.  S is volunteering all day Monday.  As long as the weather is nice, my husband, J, and I will hang out at the beach during that time.  Looking forward to that!

The Senior

S has had things on the calendar every day this week - Chiropractor, Social Security meeting, College Placement testing, Youth Group, meeting with DBVI Vocational Rehab counselor, and horseback riding.  

With all of the various agency meetings S has had to attend lately, there have been a lot of discussions at home about his future.  They are always interesting conversations as S’s ADD starts to run rampant.  My husband does a good job of summarizing our conversations in his post, Simple problem solving.

This was a week of getting answers and planning the next steps forward. All of the frustration S has felt in the weeks building up to this point is gone as he sees how it all fit together. He got through the wave. Last night was one of the first nights in a LONG time that we didn't have things we needed to get together or discuss or finish something up. He enjoyed that very much.

The big news this week is that S is done with English!!!!  He has one class to finish up for his senior year - German IV.  As he told me yesterday, “You know, I can sit and do that for hours.”  

He hasn't volunteered all month since he has been working hard to cross things off his to-do list. He will be volunteering for 6 hours on Memorial Day.

Tonight we are going to Busch Gardens to partake in the Food and Wine Festival while J is at practice. J figured S could eat his way through the park tonight and make recommendations for when he is able to go. The Food and Wine Festival is S's favorite activity there!

The Sophomore

J had a busy week also.  He started his week with bloodwork for his allergy testing.  He has ended his week with a 730 appointment with the Pediatric Nephrologist for a follow up for his high blood pressure.  My husband took him to the early appointment.

In between his bookend appointments, he had an SOL History test for school.  He has some projects to work on this weekend.  He finished up a project last weekend and is turning it in today (early) for extra credit.

He only had practice for 4 days this week since his coach was just returning from vacation.  J was glad to be back in the gym although he got a nasty rip the first night of practice this week!

What did I write this week?

Graduation is coming - ready or not!

How much did he cost? and other questions  

After this crazy week, you will find me on the couch (and the beach) with chocolate!

Linking up with:

Graduation is coming - ready or not!

My son is a senior.  My son is almost finished with the school year.  My son is going through commencement on June 13.  My son is not excited about this change.  He isn’t doing a countdown to the end of the year.  He may/may not be trying to prolong some of his work to keep the end from happening; however, it’s coming.

As the end of the school year is rapidly approaching, my son is also having to attend to many different transition areas:

*Meeting with Social Security

*Trying to figure out transportation since his pickup point is too far from our house and it isn’t safe to get there (no sidewalks)

*Teleconferences and meeting with his Vocational Rehab counselor to create an Individualized Employment Plan (There is great stress/anxiety involved with this since he doesn’t know exactly what he wants to do when he grows up.  We tell him it is one step at a time.)

*Placement tests at the community college  

The reality for him is that this is going to happen.  He is more accepting of it, but it doesn’t mean he likes it.  He informed me one afternoon that “growing up sucks!”  Whether or not it does, we tell him repeatedly that it is happening.  Embrace it!

All that being said, Monday was a breakthrough moment for him.  Last Friday he had a teleconference with his Voc Rehab counselor to discuss some ideas for his employment plan which will be developed at a meeting on Thursday.  

[On any given day, his plans for the future change.  He has ADD and is always in “think” mode about his options for the future.  We are okay with that, but the counselor needs something to write down on his plan.  My son’s passion is History, and we have discussed many different career paths for a History major.....]

So, he told his counselor he thought he might go with a Business degree which has been "briefly" discussed before.  

Three days later, on Monday morning, he told me that he spent a lot of time thinking about his future over the weekend and he feels strongly about pursuing a career in History.  I told him that he would need to discuss that with his Voc Rehab counselor at their meeting on Thursday.  

“Oh, I already talked to her.”  

“What?”
“I called her this morning and told her my thoughts.  I explained to her that I really want to do something History related.”

Wow!  I told him I was impressed with him taking control of the situation and contacting her.  

Within 30 minutes of the above conversation, he had talked himself into possibly pursuing an Economics degree.  At that point, I told him he can’t call his counselor every time he changes his mind.  He laughed because he knows how frequently he is doing it.  

Graduation is coming.  He is now looking forward to the festivities involved with it, but he still thinks that growing up sucks.  Gotcha!  It’s happening though.

I will be on the couch with chocolate observing my son as he is getting ready to graduate...and wondering when that little 4 year old boy who came into our lives 14 years ago grew up.