What my son has learned - the first year of college

S has officially made it through the first year of college!!!!!!  It has been quite the experience for him…..and us.  He has received an education and MANY learning opportunities.  There have been “growing pains”.

He has grown up this past year.  He has always been an advocate for himself, but he really stepped up to the plate at college.  He has addressed many issues on campus regarding accessibility, and he presented at a workshop regarding accessibility as a student (just realized I never wrote about that).  He has learned that college isn’t cheap and that textbooks are ridiculously priced!  

He has learned that his parents have been trying to prepare him for the reality of college throughout the years (schedules, due dates, task management).  He has also learned that he is weak in some most of these areas.

He has learned that he does well with an online format.  Despite the fact that he’s not a morning person, he learned that he prefers morning classes over afternoon classes.  He has learned that self-paced isn’t necessarily as great as it sounds.  He has learned that due dates are real.

I think my son’s biggest lesson learned this year is that he CAN do this.  He has done well.  We encouraged him to start with a lighter load this year to get used to everything. He will be taking two classes during summer school which is on an accelerated cycle. For fall semester, he has currently scheduled three classes for himself.  He can do it.  He just needs to remember that.

He has learned that he has a huge support system in place. He has learned that we all want him to be the best that he can be.

Here is a recap of posts I wrote during S’s first year of school:

Ummmm...You don't know what it's like.

College just got real!

Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

The first week of college

What are the other kids doing?

I thought you were exaggerating.

Did you ever think…?

Due dates are not optional!

First semester of college is finished!

“Winging it” is not a plan for success.

How is S with time management?

I will be on the couch with chocolate celebrating this successful first year and remembering all of the lessons learned.  

Did you ever think....?

“Did you ever think when you brought me home from Bulgaria that one day you would be driving me to college?”

This is the question my son asked me the other morning on our drive to campus. Hmmm…..It is a valid question.  Fourteen years ago S came home from Bulgaria.  At the time, we knew he had Cerebral Palsy.  He has since added the labels ADD and Low Vision to his medical resume.  

What were our expectations of the 4 year old who came into our lives?  Was it college?  I don’t know that college was the expectation; however, we did think of it as a possibility.  It’s hard to gauge what any 4 year old is going to do in 14 years, especially one who speaks a different language than everyone else in the family.

We just knew that we wanted every possible opportunity made available to him, so he would be prepared for whatever path he desired - college, technical education, work, etc.  In order for college to be a possibility, he needed to be pushed academically.

We have been blessed along his educational journey with mostly positive experiences and some negative experiences.  All of them have provided us with learning opportunities.  What works for S and what doesn’t work.  What are his abilities?  What are his strengths?  What are his weaknesses?

Attending college was the option he picked.  Not only is he attending, he is doing well.  He has learned a lot about himself in the 4 weeks he has been attending class.  We are seeing him take ownership of his learning (hallelujah!).  He is self-advocating.  He is meeting with his professors and creating personal relationships with them.  He asks for help when he needs it.

The answer to his question would be, “We just wanted you to do what you wanted to be happy.” 

The better question would probably have been, “Can you believe you are the parents of a college student?”  

I will be on the couch with chocolate trying to figure out how my kids are getting older while I am not.  Have a great weekend!

What are the other kids doing?

"What are the other kids doing?"  This question has often been asked by S since he started PreK. He always wanted to do what the other kids were doing whether it was work, play, or activities.  

When he realized that a reduced work load was an accommodation being discussed in an IEP meeting, he was adamant that he was not having that. 

"What are the other kids doing? That is what I will do."

As he became older, he realized that he did do what the other kids were doing. He may have done it differently or it may have taken longer, but he did it.

Last year as we talked about S going to college we discussed the fact that he might have to start with a lighter load. "What? Is that what the other kids do when they start college?"  Some might.

We spent a lot of time talking about the pace of a college class, the work load, and the fact that we wanted him to be successful not frazzled. He did agree to start with 7 credits: Statistics, English Composition, and College Success Skills.

Two weeks into the semester and he understands why we wanted him to start with a lighter load.

1.  He has already decided that there is no way he can take 12 credits next semester.

2.  He has realized that he prefers morning class over afternoon class. He is not a morning person but he has realized the benefit of getting up and starting his day.

3.  He fully gets why he needs to stay on top of his homework, especially statistics.

"All I do is math homework." 

Yep. Welcome to college.

4.  He has also realized that he doesn't want to do what the other kids are doing which is not doing their homework. We keep telling him that all of his hard work now will pay off later (I hope that comes true).  

You will find me on the couch with chocolate and some wine as we help S study Statistics. There will be a celebration at our house when that class is finished!

(I managed to write this entire post on my phone while waiting to pick S up from his class.)

School and Adoption Sensitivity

This week's Adoption Link Up topic is "School and Adoption Sensitivity."  This is an interesting topic.

Quick background on my family

We have two children.  J was adopted while we lived in Germany.  He has been with us since birth.  When he was two, he became the younger brother when we adopted S who was 4 from Bulgaria.  

Projects requiring baby pictures

Within months of S coming home, he started school as a PreKindergarten student.  PreK students do a lot of projects including pictures of family.  We had read about this and printed articles for his teacher to read.  She was fabulous and worked with us to make sure the projects didn't exclude S by asking for baby pictures.  She worded things by asking for early pictures or young pictures.  We were very fortunate, and we appreciate her sensitivity in how she handled this.

Because J has been with us since birth, baby pictures were never an issue for school projects.

Testing

We had contact with the school prior to S coming home. We wanted them to be aware of this new student they would be getting. The team was amazing! Because S has special needs, the school knew that testing needed to be done.

The following paragraph is from a post I posted in May, Take your test scores and....

"When S started school, we didn’t know for sure how much of an impact his CP and vision issues had on his intellectual development.  We were also dealing with the fact that English was not his first language.  He was adopted from Bulgaria at the age of 4.  Fortunately, we were working with a team that understood all of this.  Just in case they didn’t, I had printed multiple articles off of the internet addressing the issue of testing children who were adopted internationally."

This team was receptive to this information. We were so blessed with them because the next school did not provide us with such positive experiences. 

Family Trees

When the boys had to do family tree projects in primary/elementary school, we gave them ways to incorporate their birth families/culture if they chose.

High School Biology

When J was a freshman, he had Biology in school.  During their unit on Genetics, he came home laughing.  They were discussing eye color and using a Punnett Square.  The teacher was going through the square explaining it.  "If your parents have ____, then you will have ____."  J said he really wanted to raise his hand and explain that both of his parents have blue eyes and he has brown eyes.  

I will be on the couch with chocolate appreciating the fact that our boys' teachers were respectful of our family.

Linking up with:

The day before college starts

Here it is!  We made it.  It is the day before college starts.  It has been a process to get to this point. There have been many appointments scheduled, many trips to the college, many assistive technology decisions made, many logistical things that we have had to think through….but it has arrived.  The day before school….

How did we get here?

It has been a process.  We like to tell our son that these are all learning opportunities for him.  I think he’s tired of all of these opportunities.

The following list of blog posts is kind of a picture of what the process has been like the past year.  We started working toward this transition a long time ago, but some things just can’t be done until the end.

6 Steps for Transitioning a Child with Special Needs
When the insurance authorization letter arrives...

Low Vision Diagnosis
We visited the college.

Senior Stress and ADD

Visit with DBVI Vocational Rehab

Get through the wave

Getting ready for college

Ummmm...you don’t know what it’s like

A day at the college

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

Stop looking at me!

A Week of College Stuff

College just got real.

Homeschooling was REALLY comfortable!

What have we been doing this week?

This week has been a collaborative effort on our family’s part to make sure that S has everything he needs to be successful.

We have been to campus a number of times in the past week making sure S can get himself around campus.  The challenge he has with his Low Vision is that he can’t see the building names across campus.  He needs to know his exact path to follow to get from A to B.  We have visited campus frequently.  He has wheeled himself around.  We have talked out a path.  We have found landmarks for him to identify.  

Oh...another challenge is that it’s not just a matter of getting to the building and entering a door. He has to find the door that has the handicap accessible button or the door with the ramp.  

One more challenge S has is that he has a horrible sense of direction; however, he is very good with maps and creating a picture in his head.  He has studied the campus map.  We created a campus made of Legos, and he has moved the Lego man around campus and talked about the path.

He has his school supplies.  His supply list is somewhat different than other students.  He has Assistive Technology devices and software to help with his Low Vision and fine motor issues due to Cerebral Palsy.  He is using Zoom Text, Dragon Dictation, and the EmPower program through efofex software (free software for students with special needs to help with math and science equations and graphing) along with:

The Transformer which projects an enlarged image onto his laptop screen.  He has just received this, so he needs some practice with it to see how helpful it will really be.

He received a syllabus already from one teacher with her supplies on it.  We have had to try to figure out exactly what he will need from that list as we look at how he will adapt her requirements to fit his needs.  He has emailed her, and she seems quite receptive to what he has suggested.

S also has ADD which presents a challenge when we are talking about college.  Time management and planning are going to be key in his success.  He likes using Google Calendar and the task list.  He has already entered all of his assignments from the syllabus he has received.  (I won’t tell how long it actually took him to do that task.)

S likes looking at a calendar also.  We have a 4 week calendar on our fridge that he frequently stops by to look at and gets sucked into the “Calendar Zone”.  We purchased a 4 month calendar to hang on the wall near his desk.  J has filled it in for him for this semester and color coded everything for S.

At this point, we believe we have everything in place for S to be successful.  I'm sure we are missing something. I am anxious to talk to him tomorrow afternoon to see how his first day went. As he likes to tell us, “You are more excited about this than I am.”  Maybe...just maybe….

I will be on the couch with chocolate looking forward to seeing how this next chapter in my son’s life plays out!

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult?

As we are preparing for our son to start college next month, one of the things S needed to buy was a bag to carry his books and laptop.  Most college students go to a store and buy a backpack, messenger bag, or sling bag, and they are set.  Of course, it can't be that simple. Since most things in S's life aren't easy, why would buying a bag be any different?

Backpacks

Because S will be using his wheelchair on campus, he needs a bag that he can easily get to while in his wheelchair.  Some people who use wheelchairs have no problems putting a backpack onto the handles of their chair and turning around to get things out of it.  S's CP and scoliosis prevent him from turning like that.  A backpack doesn't work.

Messenger Bag

He has a messenger bag that he uses on a daily basis; however, it is too small for what he will need at college.  It also doesn't lend itself to being used in his wheelchair.  Because of the way it hangs on him while he sits, it impedes him pushing himself in his wheelchair.  Sometimes he just throws it around his neck wearing it like a feed bag; however, put a laptop and a textbook or two in there and you are asking for a lot of neck problems.  He doesn't need anything else that needs to be dealt with.

Another issue he has with his messenger bag is that there are too many pockets that he can throw "stuff" into.  The problem with this is twofold:

1.  He has a hard time seeing into the deep, dark abyss that are the pockets of his bag to see what he is looking for.

2.  ADD:  He finds something else that he was looking for earlier and distracts himself from what he is supposed to be finding.

If you are ever doing a scavenger hunt, his bag would be the one you would want to dig through to find random things that most people would never carry around.  Guaranteed that you would probably find it in that bag!

Wheelchair Carry All

S has a Carry All that attaches under his wheelchair seat.  It is nice for carrying things, but it is very difficult for him to get things out of it himself.  It requires him to spread his legs and bend over at the same time.  His CP doesn't allow him to do that.  He can spread his legs OR he can bend over.  Take your pick.

Sling Bags

We think this is the best option.  He is going to have to wear it on his chest rather than his back because he won't be positioned in his wheelchair correctly.  The challenges we have found with a sling bag include:

1.  How is the zipper positioned on it? Is it angled or more a straight line at the top?

2.  What is the size of the bag?  S isn't very tall, so there isn't a lot of body space for the bag to sit on his chest/lap.

3.  Regarding the size of the bag, will a laptop fit in the bag that best fits his body?

We ordered two sling bags, one smaller and one larger.  The smaller one is a great fit for S’s body and doesn’t look like he could fit in it.  We were originally told that he was going to be getting a Surface tablet for school (one of his agencies is providing AT support for college).  The Amazon review for this bag said that a Surface tablet fits with a book.  Perfect!

Not quite so simple….S met with AT and was told he will be getting a laptop.  Guess what is just a little too big for the perfect bag?  The laptop.  We have to decide if he will use the bigger bag which is quite big but would fit his books and laptop or if we start a new search.

Who knew buying a bag was so difficult? Difficult enough that I wrote a whole blog post about it. Go figure!

I will be on the couch with chocolate and the ipad searching for the perfect bag.

A Day at the College

Once again, my son and I were at the college.  He had an 11:00 appointment with the TRIO office on Monday, but we went early since he had other things to do on campus.

To start with, S was exhausted.  We were at a pool party the night before, and he spent 3 hours in the water.  Wore him out!  We headed out in the morning, and it was a balmy 96 degrees with a heat index of 106/107 degrees.  There was a heat advisory.  This is a child who sweats clicking the mouse on the computer in an air conditioned house.

Every time we are on campus, we discuss where we are at and where he needs to go.  We talk about what buildings he needs to be in for his classes.  We look for the doors that have the handicap accessible buttons.  

Just what he wants to do on a day when it is hot. Since we were there, we were going to be productive.  

Stop #1  ID Card

We arrived at the ID card office and read the sign listing the required documents.  S had all of them, but he needed to write his name and student number on his schedule.  No pen.  We decided to use the pen in the office.  "What is your student number?"  He needed to look it up on his phone.  We have been telling him for the past 2 months that he MUST memorize this number. We went into the office, and I quickly wrote his name and number on his schedule.  

The woman inputting the information started asking me questions about S.  This is a problem.  If he is attending school, he surely should be able to answer basic questions about himself (his address).  Then, she told me that S's student number is wrong.  Tell him, not me!  He's missing a number.  Of course, he is!  I said we would go out and look it up.  Another worker in the office had someone else pull it up.  S is missing the middle number in his student number.  (I found out when we left the college 2 1/2 hours later that S knew this earlier.)

They moved a chair so S could back his wheelchair into place for his photo.  They took it numerous times because the lighting wasn't good, but they finally called it good.  He now has his student ID.

Stop #2  Parking Permit

S doesn't drive, but the fee for a parking permit is automatically included in his student fees.  He is going to get one.  We saw online that there is a link to fill out the paperwork ahead of time except for the fact that it doesn't get us to the right spot.  On the signs throughout the hallway, it states very clearly that the paperwork must be filled out online.  We found another link to try.  We were going to stop and ask about it, but there was a line.  No time for that.

Stop #3 Quick tour of the building

These offices are in the building that S will be in for Statistics.  We did a quick recon of the building identifying how to find his classroom and peeked in a room to see what kind of seating they had for students using wheelchairs.  In each room, there is a table in addition to the desks. S knows that he needs to be near the front of the room because of his Low Vision.  We talked strategy to make sure the table gets moved for him.

Stop #4 Disabled Student Services Office

S had to drop off his schedule to get his accommodation letters printed.  The secretary offered to print them while we waited.  We did.  She explained to S what he needed to do with them.  She said if he lost them to come back and she would reprint them.  I informed him if he had to go back in for a reprint he better bring her chocolate!  She did not disagree.

Stop #5 Quick tour of the building

S has 2 classes in this building.  One is on the second floor, so we found the location of the elevator and went upstairs to find the classroom.  We identified locations upstairs to help him find his classroom.  "If you pass this, you have gone too far."

Back downstairs to find the classroom downstairs.  It is well marked.  He shouldn't have any trouble finding that.  He was impressed with the bathrooms on the first floor since they have buttons to open the doors.

Stop #6  Library/Tutoring Center

On our way to his 11:00 appointment, we swung by the library to see where he will need to go for tutoring.  We told him the tutoring center needs to be well known by him.  Use the help they have there for you.

Stop #7 TRIO office

Finally, the reason we were there.  His appointment.  He was there to create his Academic Success Plan.  It was supposed to take 30-40 minutes.  It took 75 minutes, and I ended up in there for the last half.

S was a hot, sweaty mess when we were finished.  There was a trip to Starbucks on our way home.

He still isn't done.  We will be back.  I just hope it's cooler.  Until then, I will be in the air conditioned house on the couch with chocolate.

This school has closed.

The Final Wrap Up

My son graduated last month.  We took his party on the road and celebrated in Minnesota at the end of June.  While we were there, someone made a comment about our school.  My husband said, “That school is closed.”  He’s right.  The end of an era has come to our house.

We didn’t set out to be a homeschooling family.  In the end, we were a homeschool/public school family.  We had one son in each setting.  We were a “do what is best for each child” family.  

For S, we decided that homeschooling him was the best option after attending public elementary school.  He was homeschooled for half of third grade in California prior to moving to Virginia. Once we moved here, he attended public school for 2 ½ years.  We made the decision to start homeschooling him for sixth grade and continued on until the end.  It’s been quite a journey!

The past week has been spent cleaning out school “stuff” from our house.  It has been a process. I thought we had cleaned out quite a bit last summer.  There were still a lot of things shoved on the bookshelves, in binders, in closets, and in files.  We have three bins of stuff to give away to friends.  It is amazing how much stuff we had considering that my son did the majority of his work through computerized options.

We reorganized the office area that my son worked in and made it more of a college student type space.  It looks very different in there.  Times are changing here.

I’m not sure what this next year looks like for me.  It will be very different.  I will be busy as we support my son in his transition to college.

Now that my office is organized and my school is closed, there will be a lot of time for me to be on the couch with chocolate...

Linking up with:

Almost to the end of Senior year!

On the Homefront

You know it's been a crazy week when I start with the homefront first.  Our calendar has looked like a mosaic with all of the different colored boxes overlapping and butting up next to each other.  This week the boys have had 3 medical appointments, 2 meetings, an SOL test, and college placement testing.  This is on top of regularly scheduled activities - horseback riding, youth group, and gymnastics practice.  And, my husband had a church meeting squeezed in there.  My husband and I are tired!

Although it was a crazy, busy week, these were all necessary things that were accomplished. That is always a good feeling.  

We have a fairly relaxed weekend ahead of us, so we are looking forward to that.  We are going to a cookout Saturday evening.  We have 2 invitations for Sunday.  Not sure we will make it to both.  S is volunteering all day Monday.  As long as the weather is nice, my husband, J, and I will hang out at the beach during that time.  Looking forward to that!

The Senior

S has had things on the calendar every day this week - Chiropractor, Social Security meeting, College Placement testing, Youth Group, meeting with DBVI Vocational Rehab counselor, and horseback riding.  

With all of the various agency meetings S has had to attend lately, there have been a lot of discussions at home about his future.  They are always interesting conversations as S’s ADD starts to run rampant.  My husband does a good job of summarizing our conversations in his post, Simple problem solving.

This was a week of getting answers and planning the next steps forward. All of the frustration S has felt in the weeks building up to this point is gone as he sees how it all fit together. He got through the wave. Last night was one of the first nights in a LONG time that we didn't have things we needed to get together or discuss or finish something up. He enjoyed that very much.

The big news this week is that S is done with English!!!!  He has one class to finish up for his senior year - German IV.  As he told me yesterday, “You know, I can sit and do that for hours.”  

He hasn't volunteered all month since he has been working hard to cross things off his to-do list. He will be volunteering for 6 hours on Memorial Day.

Tonight we are going to Busch Gardens to partake in the Food and Wine Festival while J is at practice. J figured S could eat his way through the park tonight and make recommendations for when he is able to go. The Food and Wine Festival is S's favorite activity there!

The Sophomore

J had a busy week also.  He started his week with bloodwork for his allergy testing.  He has ended his week with a 730 appointment with the Pediatric Nephrologist for a follow up for his high blood pressure.  My husband took him to the early appointment.

In between his bookend appointments, he had an SOL History test for school.  He has some projects to work on this weekend.  He finished up a project last weekend and is turning it in today (early) for extra credit.

He only had practice for 4 days this week since his coach was just returning from vacation.  J was glad to be back in the gym although he got a nasty rip the first night of practice this week!

What did I write this week?

Graduation is coming - ready or not!

How much did he cost? and other questions  

After this crazy week, you will find me on the couch (and the beach) with chocolate!

Linking up with: